How To Win Any Argument

Time to school some fools.

1.
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Make sure you have a clear, concise argument. Example: “You have a dumb face.”

2.
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Look right at their dumb face. It will signal you’re listening to all the dumb things they say.

3.
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Don’t shy away from direct language. Example: “You have a very dumb face. One of the all-time dumbest.”

4.
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You don’t have to yell to let someone know how dumb their face is.

5.
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Is their face really dumb? Of course. You have nothing to worry about.

6.
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Example: “You have a dumb face because:
A. It looks dumb.
And
B. In the dictionary under the entry for ‘dumb face’ there’s a picture of your dumb face.”

7.
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Examples:
“Why is your face so dumb?”
“Do you hear something? Because all I hear is the sound a dumb face makes.”

8.
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Just the sheer sight of such a dumb face is enough to make anyone lose their cool, but try not to.

9.
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If your opponent claims to have a perfectly normal face, you don’t have to agree (and why would you?!), but you should respect it.

10.
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Consider other options. Your opponent’s face could also be stupid, annoying or dog-like in appearance.

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So you can really understand all the stupid points their dumb face is trying to make.

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Draw a diagram if you have to.

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If you feel like you made a mistake by allowing yourself to be in the same room as a face so dumb, own up to it.

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Example: “I refuse to believe that anyone with a face that dumb could possibly make a valid point of any kind.”

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Example: “If I had a dumb face, I’d be upset too.”

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If old Dumb Face makes a good point, let ‘em know.

17.
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Try not to be so distracted by how dumb their face is that you don’t actually hear a single dumb word they say.

18.
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It’s tempting to start bringing up unrelated things like how ugly their shoes are or how bad their taste in music is, but if you do that, your great point about their dumb face gets lost.

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If they say something confusing like, “Please stop attacking my appearance,” simply ask their dumb face to explain further in terms you can understand.

20. Flip a table.

David Michalek / Via youtube.com

Just to really ensure that you’ve won.

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