1. By senior year, you had already dated everyone on campus, so you just started over.
2. You’ve gotten used to answering, “What college did you go to?” with “[Name]. It’s a small school in [state].”
3. Everyone protested for left-y causes on campus, even though everyone agreed on everything already.
4. Your school brochures were all “colors of Benetton,” but your actual classmates were white as hell.
5. You learned that you did at least a half grade better on papers if you used Garamond.
6. Your major didn’t really have a name because it was just three classes, and one of them was about Mesopotamian archaeology.
7. Sometimes it felt like your course catalog was just straight up trolling you:
8. The closest you came to being on a varsity sports team was biking to class.
10. You picked your school in part because it reminded you of Hogwarts.
12. You convinced your advisor that watching the entire run of The Wire should count as an independent study.
13. You spent 90% of your nights watching someone play guitar and smoke weed, or doing one/both of those things yourself.
14. You voluntarily hung out with a professor outside of class at least once.
15. The wealthier your classmates, the more likely they were to dress in head-to-toe Goodwill.
16. You had at least one classmate named Sky.
17. You love going to museums because it’s the only time you can use your art history degree.
19. You can’t even get respect from search engines:
20. If you hated hearing a cappella, you could basically never leave your dorm room.
23. No one talked about the game on Super Bowl Monday, because no one watched it.
24. There was always the one student in class who was inexplicably 40 years older than everyone else.
25. Your roommates had serious conversations about Foucault and Derrida.
26. You had a semester-long class with only two people in it.
30. You decided you’d try for law school, but then quit when you realized the LSAT was ten times harder than any test you’d taken in four years of college.
31. But it’s OK, because your diploma will come in major handy after graduation:
In The News Today
- The European Union is now using naval vessels in the Mediterranean to intercept boats that are smuggling refugees and migrants to Europe. ›
- Texas carried out its 11th execution of the year on Tuesday — the most of any state — putting to death an inmate who murdered a man over $8. ›
- The U.S. is investigating how a cargo ship with 33 people on board sank during Hurricane Joaquin. The ship went missing in the Caribbean last week. ›