1. Taking multiple hors d’oeuvres at once.
Why is this so taboo? Nobody simply wants one pig in a blanket. That’s just a given.
2. Making noise next to someone in a public bathroom.
If you’re being loud, aren’t you doing it right? Let loose, you bashful goose.
3. Listening to One Direction at work.
Turning down your headphones so no one hears you bumping “What Makes You Beautiful”? Well, guess what. It’s pretty much the catchiest song ever written so stop being a coward.
4. Or listening to a capella…ever.
More like aca-hella cool and nothing to be ashamed of enjoying, right!??!?!?!?!?!?!
5. (Ab)using Tinder.
Some people even meet their wives on Tinder!
(Note: No one meets their wife on Tinder.)
6. Facebook stalking everyone in the universe.
How are you gonna know the 411 if you’re not constantly perusing the pages of people who are oblivious of your existence? You’re not. Stalk on.
7. Religiously checking how many “likes” we get.
There’s no need to blush when someone calls you out for intensely caring whether people are likin’ your new prof pic. It’s an excellent indicator of how popular you are.
8. Watching rom-coms alone.
It’s been scientifically proven that you’re exponentially less lonely if Hugh Grant is by your side.
9. Or hysterically crying during dog movies.
LOOK IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY SAD AND YOU GET SUPER ATTACHED TO MARLEY AND ALSO WATCHING JENNIFER ANISTON CRY IS ENOUGH TO MAKE ANYONE CRY SO IT’S JUST REALLY UNFAIR THAT PEOPLE WOULD JUDGE SOMEONE FOR GETTING EMOTIONAL WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE MOVIE’S INTENTION WAS TO PRODUCE THIS KIND OF REACTION IN ITS VIEWERS.
Sorry. Don’t know where that came from.
10. Only reading lowbrow literature.
Stephanie Meyer > James Joyce. Boom.
11. Repeating the same outfit over and over and over.
If you happen to really like your light brown vest, why wouldn’t you wear it four to six times a week?
12. Taking 5 billion variations of every selfie before sending.
Every Snapchat counts. Every. Single. One.
13. Your pit stains.
It’s actually pretty weird if you don’t sweat… Weirdo.
14. Or your belly for that matter.
No need for a six-pack when you can have a keg for free.
15. How about hickeys?
Stop wearing turtlenecks on the beach! Rock that shit like the badge of honor that it is.
16. Buying condoms: “Um… hi can I have *in a low voice* one pack of Trojans?”
Since when is having safe sex so awkward and embarrassing? Can we start having a bit of pride when we step up to the counter?
17. Performance anxiety.
Look, not even Ron Jeremy can be Ron Jeremy at 3 a.m. after a sloppy night at the bar. Don’t apologize.
19. Not remembering someone’s name after meeting them numerous times.
You meet like 2 bajillion people in your life. If you forget a couple hundred, who cares.
20. Sounding “dumb” in class.
It’s a learning experience.
21. Not having heard of the “cool” new band.
Being cultured is way overrrated n-e-wayz.