1. Someone has a sob story that is not sob-worthy at all.
2. Actually, everyone has a sob story.
3. Only a few of those are actually sob stories.
4. You wish they would just get to the singing and skip over the This is Your Life segments.
5. Although they are fun to mock.
6. Someone’s family member says something really embarrassing.
7. Everyone’s family members start crying.
8. At least one family member makes you cry.
9. One person’s sob story package is played seven times and by the end of it you don’t want them to get through, no matter how good they are, because you’re sick of the sight of them already.
10. There’s soooo much build up around particular performers.
11. They are generally amazing.
12. But some of the performers are so bad you wonder how they got this far.
13. You get secondhand embarrassment multiple times.
14. The coaches talk to each other over the music.
15. They try to figure out if it’s a boy or a girl.
16. They pull faces at each other.
17. They try to gauge whether they should turn around from the audience reactions.
18. They all dance in their chairs and look like they’re really enjoying the performance.
19. Every single time.
20. Even if none of them turn around.
21. IF THEY WERE ENJOYING IT SO MUCH WHY DIDN’T THEY TURN?!?!
22. You feel awkward and sad for the contestants who get no turns.
23. It’s even more awkward when the coaches try to compliment them while also justifying why they didn’t turn around.
24. There’s one contestant who EVERYONE turns for.
25. There’s a bitter fight between the coaches.
26. You wonder if they all secretly hate each other.
27. And/or are sleeping together.
28. Possibly both.
29. You judge every contestant on whether you would turn your chair around for them or not.
30. You wouldn’t turn for most of them.
31. Some contestants must sound better in real life than on TV, coz you’re shocked when the coaches do turn around for them.
32. You have one or two faves.
33. You get really nervous watching them perform.
34. You just want them to do well.
35. Especially if their crying family is watching.
36. You can’t handle the sadness of the family.
37. The coaches tease everyone by hovering their hands over the buttons.
38. You yell at them through the TV for being so cruel.
39. You scream at them to turn around.
40. You curse them if they don’t.
41. They push the button at the LAST minute.
42. Once one coach pushes a button, the others jump on the bandwagon.
43. You feel relieved and a little bit triumphant.
44. The contestants look so happy when the coaches turn around.
45. They coaches talk themselves up big time in a desperate bid to get the person on their team.
46. Especially Joel when it’s a pretty girl.
47. Joel wants all the pretty girls.
48. If he doesn’t turn and then sees it’s a pretty girl he looks heartbroken.
49. If he does turn and it’s a pretty girl he looks really satisfied.
50. If he does turn and it’s not a pretty girl he tries to keep a straight face.
51. Sometimes only one coach turns around and you wonder if they immediately regret their decision because they have to have that person on their team now.
52. The other coaches that didn’t turn around are happy that that person is in the competition and it’s secretly probably because it means their own team has more chance of winning.
53. If given the choice, all the young female singers choose Kylie.
54. Everyone else chooses will.i.am or Ricky Martin.
55. Joel gets the leftovers.
56. Poor Joel.
57. You find yourself more and more attracted to Ricky Martin with every show.
58. The way he loses himself in the music.
59. The way his hips move.
60. The way his lips smile and smoothly talk.
61. His excellent chair dancing.
62. You want to be on his team.
63. You want to make sweet beautiful music with him.
64. Um… where were we?
65. will.i.am jokes about everything.
66. He says some really really weird things.
67. Occasionally he says something brilliant.
68. Mostly it’s just weird.
69. But everyone loves him anyway.
70. Joel uses his will.i.am mask when he’s feeling insecure.
71. Poor Joel.
72. The American judges try and fail to not look confused whenever someone says where they’re from.
73. You realise how little anyone outside of Australia knows about this country.
74. Then you realise you haven’t heard of half the places either.
75. Seriously, Australia has some weird place names.
76. You feel like you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
77. The preview for the next show is full of sob stories and it makes you mad.
78. You wonder why you watch this show.
79. But you can never resist the pull.
80. THIS IS THE VOICE.