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If Patti Mayonnaise Had Actually Been A Drug Dealer

Here’s the Patti Mayonnaise and Orange Is the New Black mash-up that needed to happen.

1. You know how Constance Shulman from Orange Is the New Black was the voice of Patti Mayonnaise?

Nickelodeon / Netflix

2. This is what happens to Doug when you replace Patti Mayonnaise’s lines with Yoga Jones’ lines.


(Click the top left corner of the Vine to turn on the sound.)

3. That time Doug wrote Patti a song and she was not impressed:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

4. That time Patti told Doug about her past:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

5. That time Patti confessed to killing a kid and Doug tried to relate:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

6. That time Doug tried to grow weed to impress Patti and a deer ate it:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

7. That time Patti shouted “damn” in a cafeteria full of 11-year-olds while encouraging Doug to turn in his strike demands:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

8. That time Patti got drunk and spilled milk:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

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