1. You’ve got wicked awesome dance moves.
Corn dog, corn dog, corn dog.
2. You know your worth.
Friends might say you’re immodest, but you’re just telling it like it is.
3. You readily admit you’re a terrible person.
First step is admitting you have a problem, amirite?!
4. And your friends admire your terribleness.
A compliment is a compliment, right?
5. You’re well aware that vodka is the solution to any dilemma.
Try to tell me it isn’t.
6. But if you happen to solve too many dilemmas with vodka you know how to perfectly sum up your hangover.
Seriously. That is exactly what a hangover feels like.
8. Religion doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you.
…but for realz, what is it?
9. You have the perfect cure for when you’re having a bad day.
Sounds like perfection to me.
10. No one understands how hard life is for you.
Ugh, it’s so hard being male, middle-class and white.
11. You have an appreciation for using your phone as an actual phone.
You may be alone in that though.
13. You know who is really important in life.
…or then again maybe you’re just really good at crunching the numbers.
14. You’re kind of a foodie.
RIP Shakespeare. :’(
15. You’re a total rebel.
You’re so naughty!
16. You have an uncanny ability to make up your own words.
Makes sense to me.
17. You’re the best at fantasy football.
Well, except when you’re the worst and have your likeness put on the Sacko.
18. You’re incredibly rational.
19. You aren’t afraid to show some PDA.
Especially with the bros.
20. You have your own catchphrase…
…which you annoy your friends with daily.
21. You’re able to exclaim anger and disbelief so eloquently.
Try to find a better phrase to sum up those emotions. You can’t.
22. You’re the snazziest dresser among your friends.
So much gingham. So many pastels.
23. You know you’re smarter than all of your friends.
Unless those friends also happen to wear glasses.
24. You value cleanliness.
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
25. But most of all you can show a full range of emotions without saying a word.
And the classic: I am so unimpressed with everything right now.