12 Nicholas Sparks Movies You'll Never See

In between the time it takes for those white people staring longingly at each other to finally kiss, these movies still won't ever happen.

1. Just Desserts

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Gretchen runs a popular ice cream parlour in the small town of Oak River Mountain Glen Ridge. Her life is pretty sweet until a handsome stranger, Rohin, moves in and opens a competing ice cream shop... right next door. The cherry on the sundae? Both were totally ghosts the entire time.

2. Dear Yoselín

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Yoselín has spent her whole life dealing with baristas misspelling her name, until she meets Yuniesky, a rugged-yet-sensitive Cuban novelist/lumberjack/rancher who knows her pain... and how to heal it.

3. Nights in Oakland

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Tarell and Kareem fall in love in San Francisco but love isn't enough to pay the increasing price of rent in the city so they have to move to Oakland.

4. A Stroll Over Which to Reminisce

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The epic saga of Amina and Omar is told in flashback, as they walk up and down the same well-worn path, trying to think of a time they’ve seen a hijabi star as the romantic lead in an American drama. "Ok, but Persepolis wasn’t a romantic drama, per se," whispers Omar.

5. A Thanksgiving Gift

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This holiday season, Behrang and Charlotte realize their marriage could be over before it starts thanks to Charlotte's racist grandmother. Luckily, she dies before Thanksgiving and everyone has a peaceful dinner while she's carted off to the morgue.

6. Safe Refuge

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An aspiring poet/carpenter, James’ life is changed when he meets Gwen, a woman with a mysterious past and a terrible secret. Her family owns an island and her father has affairs with her friends from high school on it. James helps Gwen wrest control of the island from her father so they can start a fellowship for poets who also surf.

7. The Nuptials

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When Layla meets Adam, she immediately knows she's found her soulmate. What neither of them expects is how difficult it is to plan a wedding that will make all their family members happy... so instead they just elope.

8. The Journal

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Jerry and Doris have been together since 1961. They have seen some shit and do not have time to yell things at each other in the rain.

9. A Not Entirely White Christmas

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Jamal and Lisbeth celebrate their first Christmas together. Lisbeth's mother bakes one of Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cakes and everyone has to pretend it's good because someone is dying of a rare heart disease, according to a doctor's report found stashed in a garbage can full of wrapping paper.

10. At First Click

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Caroline (a high-strung, big city ad exec) and Audrey (a laid back, small-town photographer) find love while walking along covered bridges in quaint towns set by some body of water. But one of them eventually dies, because this is a Nicholas Sparks movie. Lots of great footage of foliage, though.

11. The Farthest Trip

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The story of a smart, beautiful, successful, but oddly neurotic woman who finds love in her 60s. There’s a scene where she reluctantly slow dances to an adult contemporary ballad and a scene where she looks out a window for quite some time. She is not played by Ellen Burstyn, nor Gena Rowlands.

12. After the Kiss

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If only life were a Nicholas Sparks movie poster and these white people never had to kiss. But they do. And now, they're in a long-term relationship with an ointment.