Resident BuzzFeed gay Ira Madison III recently sat down with straight male Javier Moreno, fresh off his visit to the AVN Awards, to rank a different kind of porn — studs from Hollywood's golden age of cinema. Here are the results:
33. James Cagney
32. Robert Mitchum
31. Joseph Cotten
30. Spencer Tracy
29. John Wayne
28. Richard Burton
27. David Niven
26. Robert Taylor
25. Glenn Ford
24. Charles Boyer
23. Kirk Douglas
22. Dean Martin
21. Fred Astaire
20. Tyrone Power
19. Henry Fonda
18. Humphrey Bogart
17. Laurence Olivier
16. James Stewart
15. Gregory Peck
14. Gary Cooper
13. Frank Sinatra
12. Yul Brynner
11. Errol Flynn
10. Gene Kelly
9. Burt Lancaster
8. Cary Grant
7. Clark Gable
6. Montgomery Clift
5. Sidney Poitier
4. James Dean
3. Rock Hudson
Notable Films: Giant, Pillow Talk, All That Heaven Allows, Written on the Wind
Javi: More like Cock Hudson.
Ira: I'm not even gonna say, "JAVI." Because DUH.
Javi: Nobody looks like that showering. He has the look of a guy who'd steal all my girlfriends in high school. Have you seen photos of him with a beard? He looks even better with a beard.
Ira: 👀
2. Paul Newman
1. Marlon Brando
Notable Films: A Streetcar Named Desire, On the Waterfront, Guys and Dolls
Javi: I don't care what sexual orientation you are, if you're not turned on by Marlon Brando you're not breathing.
Ira: If I was a corpse and Marlon Brando wanted to bang me I would be pulling a George A. Romero so goddamn fast. Marlon Brando* is the prototype for the perfect man.
*In the 1950s. Ain't nobody talking about Jor-El.
Addendum: "For a clarification, Javi and I went with the general consensus of the golden age ending in the early 1960s. This left Warren Beatty and Robert Redford off the list — their major roles began in the mid-to-late '60s." — Ira