1. First things first: Finding a coat that'll zip over your chest is impossible, so you'll probably die of hypothermia.
2. And whatever days of life you have left, you'll spend caught in a constant cycle of sewing on buttons and having them pop off again.
3. On the other hand, scarves are a great way to get around your usual too-much-cleavage problem.
4. AND they catch all the food that, during any other season, would just set up shop in your bra.
5. Your giant chest pillow acts as a layer of warmth and insulation that other less endowed people don't have.
6. Baggy sweaters are much, much easier to shop for than summery tanks and button-downs...
7. But if you're feeling extra cold and the coat comes off, your ladies are likely to give away a bit too much.
8. Your littler-boobed friends brag about how winter clothes give them the perfect opportunity to go bra-less, and you're like:
9. But, let's be honest: Your colossally insulated underboob is the WARMEST place in the world, and you definitely sometimes use it as an instant hand heater.
10. Winter clothes make your usually great figure look like a giant tent.
11. Pro: You don't have these beach boob troubles for a while.
12. Con: Instead, you're involuntarily building ski slopes on your chest.
13. Puffer vests: Definitely staying unzipped.
14. Boots in the snow Instagram: Just not happening.
15. Layering means giving off the false illusion that you have the same body type as Hagrid.
16. Your already excruciating back ache combined with winter bone pains make you feel ready to hibernate until it's warm again.
17. And you're starting to bruise, on top of everything else.
18. At the end of the day, sure, there are several more layers between your boobs and freedom...
19. But, hey, when that bra eventually does come off, it feels way, way, way better than any other time of year.
