1. “Is it your time of the month?”
Well, that’s actually none of your business, but don’t worry, either way I actually hate you.
2. “Stop being so emotional.”
Wow, thanks for that. You can go shave your back now.
3. Beating a man in a game and then overhearing, “I let her win.”
Yep, sure. And I actually like you. Totally.
4. “So, what’re all the girls saying about me?”
That your ego is the biggest thing you’ve got.
5. “What’s it really like being a woman?”
Excuse me, that’s actually what you’re choosing to say?
6. “It’s not that big of a deal. Just stop being so hysterical.”
Hysterical comes from the same root as hysterectomy, so it’s sexist in and of itself. Oh, and shut up.
7. Being asked to comfort a crying guy because, “you’re better at these things.”
Actually, I’m not a huge fan of consoling crying guys. Thanks.
8. “I bet you only use your phone to text and go on Instagram.”
Well, I know enough to delete you from my contacts, actually.
9. “Stop being such a pus — oh, sorry.”
One, I’m sorry you were ever born and two, thanks for saving me from a word that’s derogatory and specific about me.
10. “How was Fifty Shades Of Grey?”
I don’t know, how was growing up into a terrible human being?
11. When you’re at a restaurant and a man says, “she’ll have the…”
Actually, I have coherent thoughts and know how to order my own food, thanks.
12. “You probably don’t know who Peyton Manning is.”
You probably don’t know what decency is.