Happy Bloop History Month, everyone! What is Bloop History Month, you ask, beautiful reader? Well, it's a celebration of bloops - those onomatopoetic moments when you witness or read a response so sharp, all you can utter is "bloop". Much like it's rhetorical counterpart, the clapback, the bloop often takes the form of a viciously accute comeback. But it is not necessarily always the case. In fact, a bloop can arise simply from a really well articulated observation or a casual aside in conversation. Basically, all clapbacks are bloops but not all bloops are clapbacks. Got it?
Isn't Bloop History Month just a random holiday you made up, you ask? To which I can only respond, yes, my beloved reader, you are correct. But aren't they all???
I say it's time we celebrate the figures, large and small, who have bequeathed great bloops upon our nation. A bloop can come from the pontification of historical figures like W.E.B Dubois or the internet ephemera of some rando on Tumblr and I say it's time we remember, not all heroes wear capes.
Now follow me as we frolic through some historic and contemporary examples throughout bloop history:
1. This incredible, historical bloop from Frederick Douglass in response to people's complaints about his criticism of religion (1817):
2. That time W.E.B. DuBois did the Heisman on 'em (1895):
3. This life-affirming bloop from Zora Neale Hurston’s essay “How It Feels To Be Colored Me” (1928):
4. This searing author-on-author bloop from James Baldwin (1959):
5. Malcolm X's famous Plymouth Rock bloop (1964):
View this video on YouTube
6. This real exchange between Nancy Reagan and Miles Davis (1987):
7. This historic bloop from Jackie Robinson's autobiography (1995):
8. This wig-snatching Mariah Carey bloop (1995):
9. This bloop heard around the nation (2005):
10. This sermon from Omarosa (2013):
11. That time Rihanna (aka the Queen of Bloops) shut down this red carpet interview (2014):
(Basically everything Rihanna says should go down in bloop history.)
@CELEBUZZ your pussy is way too dry to be riding my dick like this
12. This glorious bloop from Gabourey Sidibe (2014):
To people making mean comments about my GG pics, I mos def cried about it on that private jet on my way to my dream job last night. #JK
13. The many, many bloops of Shonda Rhimes, Tha Gawd (2014):
. @Dabdelhakiem If u use the phrase "gay scenes", u are not only LATE to the party but also NOT INVITED to the party. Bye Felicia. #oneLOVE
14. This presidential bloop (2015):
15. This glorious Tumblr bloop (2015):
17. The many bloops Cookie gives us on Empire (2015):
18. And a special honorable mention to this dog squad:
Be warned: Animals are learning the way of the bloop, too! Stay woke.