10 Lessons From The Premiere Of “Girls”

There was lots of knowledge to glean from last night’s premiere of the new HBO show, from the eating habits of bohemian Europeans to why it might pay to learn Photoshop.

1. Cupcakes can be eaten in the shower.

It never even occurred to me.

2. Guys still get really awkward when they walk in on girls in the shower.

It’s precious, actually.

3. There are boyfriends in the world who will hold their girlfriend’s retainers in their hands.

“Is that a present? Is that for me?” says Charlie as he accepts his girlfriend Marnie’s saliva-covered retainer into his hand. True love or true grossness? Your call. I barely want to touch my own orthodontics.

4. Two years of free labor might not get you anywhere.

When Hannah quits her job because her boss won’t hire her for a full-time position, she asks if she might still send him a draft of her memoir. “Well we wouldn’t have you here to read it for us, would we?” he says.

5. You should learn Photoshop.

When Hannah asks that same boss why Joy Lin got hired after her internship, while Hannah did not, the boss replies: “Joy Lin knows Photoshop.” There you go.

6. Stimulant drugs give some people bowel problems.

“Every time I do coke, I shit my pants,” says Jemima Kirke’s character Jessa.

7. “Sex And The City” = Facebook

When Jessa tells Zosia Mamet’s character Shoshanna she’s never seen “Sex And The City,” Shoshanna tells her “that’s like not being on Facebook.”

8. Opium Tea tastes terrible.

It tastes like “twigs,” not like “Twix,” as Hannah initially mishears. Also, apparently it is legal and you can buy it in “the Flower District.”

9. Europeans will not accept 7 p.m. as a reasonable time for dinner.

“7?!” globetrotting, accent-having Jessa yells, while sitting on the toilet. “I thought that was just a suggestion. 10 is reasonable.”

10. Someone out there is having more awkward sex than you.

“Let’s play the quiet game,” Adam tells Hannah after telling her to lie on her stomach with her pants down.