1. Because our seagulls are so out of control they've started chugging other birds.
2. And if the seagulls don't get you, the armed and dangerous schoolchildren probably will.
3. Or the goats.
4. Because someone in Glasgow thought that this atrocity was an acceptable bathroom advert.
5. And someone else thought this was a witty, sexy, and classy tattoo.
6. Because there's a terrifying "tweed jacket gang" on the loose in Edinburgh.
7. And Edinburgh restaurants are literally killing and eating your childhood memories.
8. Because a biblical plague far more devastating than locusts is about to ruin our lives forever.
9. Because when you order a cheeseboard after your meal, you shouldn't be handed this.
10. Because quirky Edinburgh pop-up bars have finally gone too far.
11. Because Buckfast korma should not be a thing.
12. But that's nothing compared to this abomination.
13. And while we're on the topic: Irn-Bru definitely does not belong in a sausage.
14. Because even alcohol – our most trusted friend – has started to betray us.
15. Because Scottish dogs have learned to drive, and it turns out they're fucking angry (and murderous).
16. Because some absolute monster decided this was an acceptable way to eat lorne sausage.
17. Because the annual Scottish trampoline migration is about to start, and it's incredibly dangerous.
So majestic. So lethal.
18. And if you're not mowed down by a trampoline, you'll be flattened by a shitfaced Dundonian on a space hopper.
only in scotland
Seriously: Stay off the roads.
19. Because takeaway vending machines are a thing now.
20. Because Glasgow has fallen, its spirit is broken. In short: It no longer exists.
21. It's sad but true. RIP Glasgow.
Baked-bean board-drippage at the Glasgow Science Centre, which seemingly hasn't done gravity yet. (Pic: @Britunes83)
A chopping board. It's a fucking chopping board.
22. And Edinburgh's no better.
Mini-shopping-trolley idiocy at a pop-up artisan coffee stall in Edinburgh's Waverley Market. (Pic: Odran Doherty)
A teeny tiny shopping trolley. Bastards.
23. Scotland, you've gone past the point of no return.
Time to name and shame the sandwich rip-off merchants! This pathetic effort cost £3.20 at Edinburgh Airport.
£3.20 for a microscopic egg disk and bacon wafer on dry bread. Bargain.
24. No wonder people are losing their minds.
25. Did William Wallace really die for our freedom so we could do things like this?
26. Things really couldn't get much worse.
27. Even the bins are afraid.
Only in Scotland
It's OK, bin. We'll take you with us.