21 Headlines That Prove "Take A Break" Is The World’s Most Important News Source

“Take A Break” is the UK’s best selling women’s magazine. Why? Because it’s filled with VERY IMPORTANT news. H/T to Really Real Life and Take A Weird Break.

1.

Why this is important: It proves that reincarnation is true. If she can’t make up a better goldfish name than ‘Splashy’, she can’t make up a story about past lives.

2.

Why this is important: Because now we know that Death offers work experience placements.

3.

Why this is important: Because the cat that rescued a toddler from a dog attack is getting a lot of press coverage lately. This is a much needed reminder that the majority of cats are assholes.

4.

Why this is important: Because now we know there’s someone for everyone, even if that someone is a wall.

5.

Why this is important: Far too many people are forced to wait years for life changing gender reassignment surgery. Solution: bees.

6.

Why this is important: Because we need to know whether he’s still capable of playing the trumpet. Could someone give the ectoplasm a trumpet? Cheers.

7.

Why this is important: Is your boss angry at the fact you keep showing up to work hungover? Did you get fired? Good news: it’s not your fault! Angels thwarted you.

8.

Why this is important: Because we now have a convincing explanation for Big Brother contestants.

9.

Why this is important: Because now you know that this is a thing. If you open your purse to find your bank card covered in ectoplasm, change your PIN.

10.

Why this is important: Now we know how Ricky Gervais manages to get women to sleep with him. Nets.

11.

Why this is important: It explains why Gary Barlow needed to avoid millions of pounds worth of tax: camouflage gear and night vision goggles aren’t cheap.

12.

Why this is important: Other dogs might have healing powers too. All we have to do is identify them and we’ll save the NHS a fortune.

13.

Why this is important: You no longer have to worry about being single: there are literally trillions of ghosts out there who want to marry you. What’s more, they’ll probably do your washing up.

14.

Why this is important: Because now we know that Derek Acorah is still gainfully employed despite the fact he hasn’t been on telly for ages. Good for you, Derek. Hope your legs show up soon.

15.

Why this is important: Because you want to see that parrot fart, don’t you? Admit it. ADMIT IT. Here you go.

16.

Why this is important: Because a Hartley’s Reduced Sugar Jelly recently won the Booker Prize.

17.

Why this is important: Because it’s now clear that loose change doesn’t simply fall down the sides of sofas, it TELEPORTS there. Mind = blown.

18.

Why this is important: Because now we know that angels will take over if we get a bit bored while driving, like some kind of celestial cruise control feature. Ace.

19.

Why this is important: You now know that ghosts get lonely. You should feel guilty for not calling more often. Sure, you’re busy, but would it kill you to pick up the phone? Shame on you.

20.

Why this is important: It’s now clear that someone- somewhere- could probably make a small fortune by setting up a business knitting woollen eyebrows for idiots.

21.

Why this is important: Now we know that there is such a thing as a free lunch…but you have to get carjacked first. Still, it’s worth it for Fray Bentos.

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Facebook Conversations
          
    Now Buzzing