1. The Megaburgerpizza
The Megaburgerpizza is sold by Pizza Little Party in Kyoto, Japan for around £17. The 1.2kg feast consists of 400g of grilled beef sandwiched between two 11-inch pizza crusts. This unholy hybrid will burst most belts at a whopping 2500 calories: more than most people’s entire daily allowance.
Do say: Why, God, why?!
Don’t say: Can I replace the gherkins with extra cheese?
2. The Sasquatch Burger
The Sasquatch Burger at Big Foot Lodge in Memphis is 4lbs of fresh ground beef, 2lbs of bread, 1.5lbs of lettuce, pickles, onion and cheese. Even Bigfoot himself couldn’t manage this one. What’s worse, it’s a staggering 12,387 calories.
Do say: Are the fries optional?
Don’t say: Can I eat the guy holding it as well?
3. The Champion Dog
Weighing in at a whopping 3000 calories, this baseball bat sized hot dog on sale at the Texas Rangers ballpark in Arlington has a price tag to match it’s size: $26. Still, you wouldn’t have to eat again for about a week, so it’s quite good value really.
Do say: Do I get it for free if I eat it without dropping half the toppings into my lap?
Don’t say: Can I have two, please?
4. The B3 Burrito
This beast of a burrito on sale at Saharas NASCAR Cafe in Houston weighs as much as a newborn baby. It’s stuffed with beans, onions and shredded beef, coated in enchilada sauce, cheese sauce and olives then covered in four alternating ice-cream-size scoops of sour cream and guacamole. No calorie information is currently available, but a visual estimate puts it in the 1-3 billion range.
Do say: Olives? On a burrito? You animal!
Don’t say: Can I get a side of fries?
5. The Big Lou 42
At Big Lou’s Pizza in San Antonio you can order a single, gargantuan pizza called ‘The Big Lou 42’. It’s 3½ feet wide and weighs in at 30lbs once piled high with its toppings. Owner Big Lou claims each slice is equivalent to one normal sized pizza.
Do say: Can I share this with someone?
Don’t say: Do you deliver?
6. The Munchy Box
The munchy box is a post-pub Scottish tradition, and the reason the entire nation is about as healthy as a recently harpooned whale. A mixture of anything the kebab shop had lying around at the time, most feature doner meat, chips, pakora, tandoori chicken and some decorative salad stuffed into a pizza box.
Do say: Hold the chips, please. And the mysterious grey meat.
Don’t say: Stick a battered sausage on there too, love.
7. The Kryptonite Sandwich
Ike’s Place in San Francisco serves a ‘Kryptonite’ sandwich stuffed with roast beef, corned beef, pastrami, salami, turkey, bacon, ham, mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, onion rings, avocado, pesto, pepper jack cheese and pretty much anything else they can find lying around.
Do say: I don’t think that Superman had a particular aversion to sandwiches.
Don’t say: MOAR INGREDIENTS PLS!
8. Deep Fried Mars Bar
Another Scottish ‘delicacy’, the Deep Fried Mars bar has become a cultural institution, despite the fact no one on Earth has ever publicly admitted to eating one.
Do say: Can I have some diabetes medication with that?
Don’t say: Could I get a deep fried bag of crisps to go with it?
9. “Seward’s Folly” Burger
The West Rib Pub and Grill in Talkeetna, Alaska are to blame for this monstrous calorie bomb, a 4½-pound double-stacked burger made with caribou meat and topped with cheese, 12 slices of bacon, a pound of ham, “FatAss Sauce” (made with mayonnaise, horseradish, bacon, and balsamic vinaigrette), caramelized onions, lettuce and tomatoes, and served inside toasted sourdough bread.
Do say: Actually, could I just have a salad?
Don’t say: Where’s the rest of the caribou?
10. The Grand Sicilian Mountain Pie
Colorado based Beau Jo’s restaurant are happy to serve innocent people their Grand Sicilian Mountain Pie, a mess of 12 to 14 pounds of hamburger and sausage on a loaded 16-inch thick crust pizza. If two people manage to finish it between them they get $100. And, presumably, a free trip to the local hospital.
Do say: Er, why doesn’t it come on a plate?
Don’t say: 16 inches? That’s nothing. Bring it on!
11. Luther Burger
“That doesn’t look too bad”, you say…until you discover the ‘burger bun’ is actually a Krispy Kreme donut. And yes, that is a fried egg on top. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Do say: Donuts and eggs! Together? We’re living in the End Times.
Don’t say: It’s a bit small. Can I have two?
12. Deep Fried Butter
This 400 calorie fried Iowa State Fair treat is literally just a lump of cold butter dipped in a honey and cinnamon batter, fried and then handed out to passers by like NORMAL FOOD. Who then BUY IT VOLUNTARILY. *shakes head*
Do say: Er, what’s that white stuff?
Don’t stay: I’ll have ten please.