1. You understand that someone would have to be a complete monster to ever throw away a stuffed toy.
Especially one that was your favourite, second favourite, third favourite, fourth favourite, or 45th favourite toy as a child.
2. You’re sure that each and every one of these cables and chargers is probably vital.
To lose any one of these would be an unfathomable disaster.
3. You always keep these. Just think of all the money you’ll save.
You’ll never want for mayonnaise again.
4. Same goes for little packets of artificial sweetener.
Those should be saved for the next generation.
5. You believe that no amount of leftover food is too small not to keep for later.
Luckily you also hoard tupperware containers.
6. You save your slightly-used bar soap from hotel rooms.
That’s good soap there.
7. In fact, all half-used toiletries are indispensible.
They’re perfect for traveling.
8. You have a drawer, cupboard or entire closet filled with plastic shopping bags that you will definitely remember to take with you on the next grocery run.
You’re such a good recycler.
9. You could never get rid of an old phone.
You might need it someday.
10. You know that anyone would be a terrible friend not to keep old letters and birthday cards.
People took the time to send you those. The least you could do is keep them in your bottom desk drawer forever.
11. You swear you can’t wait for a quiet evening to spend re-reading old magazines.
Just think how informed you will be.
12. You keep all of your old schoolwork.
They’ll need it for the retrospective of your life’s work.
13. Pens of any kind are too useful to dispense with.
And it would be too time-consuming to find out which ones actually work.
14. You don’t understand why anyone would throw away worn-out shoes.
Just make a pile of them at the bottom of your closet, before taking them to get fixed. Someday.
15. You could never throw away a ticket from a concert, film or sporting event.
If you throw away the ticket, isn’t that just like throwing away your memories?
16. You have all the food you need to get you through a natural disaster.
Or the end-times.
17. There is way too much sentimental value attached to your old T-shirts to ever get rid of them.
Anyway, you can always just sew them into a dope quilt instead. Eventually.
18. You feel guilty for throwing away things that you probably could have used for crafting or something.
(You’ve never crafted.)
19. You’re sure that any day now you’ll fix that broken toaster.
Best keep it safe in the cupboard until then.
20. You will never find out which is your favourite shampoo brand unless you try them all.
You’re just still in the testing period.
21. You know that every time you save a piece of wrapping paper, you’re really saving the Earth.
You’re welcome, Amazon rainforest.
22. You would give away some books, if it wouldn’t offend the characters inside them so much.
You’re not going anywhere, Mr. Darcy.
23. And you obviously have to save your old textbooks.
Your children and grandchildren might need them someday.
24. You’re pretty sure that you’re not even ALLOWED to throw away used batteries.
There’s some fancy way you’re supposed to recycle them, you just haven’t looked it up yet.
25. You still have cassette tapes.
Because what if the internet goes down, and then your iTunes stops working, and then your CDs are destroyed in a flood, and you could really use some music to make you feel better?
26. When you actually DO manage to throw something away, you make this face.
Urrggghhh maybe I’ll just take it back out the bin and decide what to do with it later.
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