1.You're hopelessly top-heavy, and the big people just find it funny.
2.The baby talk is really starting to get old.
3.You can't control your bodily functions just yet.
4.And you definitely can't control your feelings.
5.People post way too much information about you on social media.
6.And the constant photos are taking their toll.
7.People have started handing you something called "solid food" but you're really not sure what to do with it.
8.And there's no denying it: Baby food is garbage.
9.Every now and then you catch a glimpse of another baby who looks just like you and lives in your house and it's just more than anyone could handle.
10.Learning to crawl is totally exhausting.
11.And every time you see a new shape or colour that's a whole new neural pathway you have to build.
12.That may be why you keep falling asleep in the strangest places, no matter what you're doing, or who's watching.
13.Oh, and you shit yourself several times a day.
14.The dog is constantly stealing your thunder.
15.And you can't fight back against the kisses of uncles and aunties.
16.You're totally helpless against the plots of your older siblings.
17.You're often distracted by the thought of boobs.
18.People keep putting wild animals into your bed as if it's going to help you sleep better.
19.And they dress you up in humiliating costumes.
20.But regular clothes can be pretty dreadful, too.
21.You've heard about this thing called chocolate, but you're not allowed to have it yet.
22.Whenever you're crying, the big people are all "Oh no, baby, what's wrong?" and all you want to do is shout I'M FUCKING TEETHING THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG. THERE IS ACTUAL BONE BURSTING OUT OF MY TINY BABY GUMS.
Don't worry: As soon as you're a bit bigger, you will take your revenge.
