21 Questionable Back-To-School Shopping Items

A new school year is upon us. Thankfully, these stores are ready with everything you (apparently) need.

1. First and foremost, don’t forget to pick up some back-to-school spirits.

ID: 3566960

2. If hard liquor isn’t your child’s thing, there’s always lager.

ID: 3567007

3. Lovely, educational lager.

ID: 3575340

4. These are the perfect way to teach your child: Better safe than sorry!

ID: 3566980

5. Failing that, some of these may be just as vital to fixing your child’s mistakes as rubbers.

ID: 3575232

6. Uh oh! Still in trouble? Better pick up the most important test your child will take in her entire school career!

ID: 3567002

7. Otherwise, you may need to stock up on these.

ID: 3575286

8. While you’re at it, why not surprise little Jimmy with a severed foot at the bottom of his backpack?

ID: 3567176

9. These are basically essential to school success.

ID: 3566977

10. But really, did you forget the booze?

ID: 3566983

11. Because these little bottles will fit snugly in your child’s new lunchbox.

ID: 3567203

12. As will these mixed drinks for a child on the go!

ID: 3567210

13. Although if your child is headed to a private school, a sophisticated rosé may be more appropriate.

ID: 3567351

14. Sophisticated or not, all children should be encouraged to smell one another’s feet on the playground.

ID: 3575276

15. Studies show that students equipped with a sturdy back-to-school kayak are better at reading comprehension than their peers being dragged away by floodwaters.

ID: 3567251

16. But seriously: Have you remembered the wine?

ID: 3567357

17. And one of these, you’ll obviously need one of these.

ID: 3575246

18. Everyone will want to play with the kid with the family-size tub of dried vegetables.

ID: 3575216

19. Better yet, nothing attracts friends quite like the faint smell of fish.

ID: 3575206

20. If the fish doesn’t agree with little Jimmy’s sensitive tummy, back-to-school self-medication is here to help.

ID: 3575291

21. Pick up one of these, and your school shopping will be complete!

ID: 3575262

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Hannah Jewell is a staff writer for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
  Your Reaction?


    Now Buzzing