1. First and foremost, don’t forget to pick up some back-to-school spirits.
4. These are the perfect way to teach your child: Better safe than sorry!
5. Failing that, some of these may be just as vital to fixing your child’s mistakes as rubbers.
6. Uh oh! Still in trouble? Better pick up the most important test your child will take in her entire school career!
8. While you’re at it, why not surprise little Jimmy with a severed foot at the bottom of his backpack?
11. Because these little bottles will fit snugly in your child’s new lunchbox.
13. Although if your child is headed to a private school, a sophisticated rosé may be more appropriate.
14. Sophisticated or not, all children should be encouraged to smell one another’s feet on the playground.
15. Studies show that students equipped with a sturdy back-to-school kayak are better at reading comprehension than their peers being dragged away by floodwaters.
18. Everyone will want to play with the kid with the family-size tub of dried vegetables.
19. Better yet, nothing attracts friends quite like the faint smell of fish.
20. If the fish doesn’t agree with little Jimmy’s sensitive tummy, back-to-school self-medication is here to help.
Hannah Jewell is a staff writer for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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