The Definitive Ranking Of Australian Alcopops

As in, the drinks - not that grandpa who loves a beer... or ten.

16. Elevate Alcoholic Soda with Guarana

Sure, it doesn't promise to give you wings, but this patriotically shaded can does promise to totally elevate. But, like, can it even lift? Or does one simply gain elevation from the perseverance it takes to stick with a liquid that can only be described as cough-syrup-flavoured?

15. Raspberry Red Bear Vodka

Ah, Red Bear; the poor man's pre-mixed. Guaranteed to stain your tongue, teeth and lips - you can leave your gloss at home if you've splashed out on a carton of Bears.

14. Vodka Cruiser Pure Pineapple

To agree with the claim that this alcopop is, in fact, PURE PINEAPPLE would be to ignore that this bottle is also filled with vodka and enough bubbles to bring The Titanic back to the surface.

13. UDL Lime & Soda Vodka

Like convenience in a can - who needs a real lime wedge when you could just up that sugar intake?

12. Bacardi Breezer Lime

What is Bacardi, anyway? What is even life? MORE LIME.

11. Vodka Cruiser Mudshake

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only... alcoholic. As a general rule of human consumption, milk in excess is never a great idea. In this instance? The same rule applies.

DO NOT - I repeat - DO NOT - mix with Vodka OJ.

10. Smirnoff Ice Double Black & Guarana

Oh, guarana, we meet again. If vodka is your poison, consider this concoction a near-lethal dose.

9. Bacardi Breezer Raspberry

Raspberries - fun to eat, fun to spell.

Fun to drink too, if you feel like you could be a little - or a lot - sweeter.

8. Vodka Cruiser Electric Pink

R.I.P. to you, my fluro coloured friend. How a beverage that tasted exactly like fairy floss could go off shelves, I'll never understand...

Gone, but never forgotten.

7. Smirnoff Ice Original

For those who argue that the original is always the best, this can o' vodka should be highly appreciated for it's standard strength and no-energy-additive ingredient list.

6. Vodka Cruiser Juicy Watermelon

Previously known as just plain "Melon". Previously green, not pink.

Embrace change, people.

5. UDL Green Apple Vodka

So fresh, so... clean? Just make sure you don't brush your teeth before cracking open a cold one of these bad boys.

4. Midori Splice

Oh, you fancy, huh? You little cocktail in a bottle, you. This drink is definitive proof that anything with pineapple plus coconut makes you feel like you're on holiday.

For a moment, anyway.

3. UDL Pineapple Vodka

If you like Pina Colada... But don't like the fact cocktails cost $20 and take just as many minutes to make at times, why not forget they exist and get your pineapple fix outta a can?

2. Vodka Cruiser Guava

Who cares what an actual guava looks like or where I would even find one or how I would eat it - just pass me a bottle and let the sweet, sweet taste complete everything.

1. Smirnoff Ice Double Black

It is a truth universally acknowledged that it's important to keep friends close - and enemies even closer.

From the alcopop enthusiast to the "and that's why your Mother never drank again, kids" a-pop veteran, I dare you to try and find a Double Black drinker that doesn't have a damn good story to tell.