18 Things You Say To Your Best Friend When You Get Drunk

"What do you mean you can't remember the name of the guy I got with when we went salsa dancing in 2007?!"

1. "If you don't choose me to be your maid of honour/best man I'll kill you."

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Because if you can't ask for unreasonable commitments when you're wasted, then when can you?

2. "DON'T LOOK NOW. But I think your future lover just walked through the door."

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And your best friend will look, really obviously.

3. "And then he asked me to..."

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You'll obviously go into extreme sex life detail, another level down than you already do when you're sober.

4. "Who's going to have babies first?"

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You may also start bagsieing baby names, and talking about how you'll definitely live next door to each other and your kids have to be best friends too.

5. "We're 100% going to be best friends for our whole lives."

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Drinking will make you feel all of the emotions at once. You'll be so in love with your best friend, but also it will dawn on you how much future you have and that will be scary.

6. "MAN, I love you."

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You are the right level of drunk, probably just tipping over the edge into too drunk, and suddenly you have too much love inside of you to hold in.

7. "Remember that time we did that incredibly hilarious thing that made us realise we would be best friends forever?"

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And if the other person doesn't remember it then you'll get irrationally angry.

8. "I know I haven't been dating Mike long, but I feel like we have a real connection. I think what's holding us back is his deep fear of commitment."

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You've only been on three dates with this guy, but suddenly you have a lot of complicated feeling about him that you need to tell your best friend immediately.

9. "Maybe you should just text them and tell them how you feel."

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Best friends usually give the best advice, but after a bottle of wine all decisions get a bit blurry.

10. "I'll never find anyone, and then nobody will notice when I die, and my cats will eat me."

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You can be as melodramatic as you want with your best friend, because you know they'll tell you you're an idiot and reassure you at the same time.

11. "You're really hot, like if we weren't such good friends we would probably be married by now."

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The combination of everyone getting more attractive when you're drunk, and your love for your best friend growing will make the compliments spill out of you.

12. "I might never sleep with another person ever again."

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If you're in a relationship you will freak out that you may never have sex with someone for the first time ever again. Your best friend will find this equally weird.

13. "I know she's a really nice person, but I find her too boring to be around and I also hate her shoes."

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You know you can trust your best friend so you can say the meanest things you've thought out loud without them judging you or telling anyone else.

14. "Does your belly button fluff sometimes smell really gross?"

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Alcohol gives you the confidence to admit your most gross habits, and if you're lucky your best friend will be equally disgusting.

15. "He told me not to tell anyone, but I don't think you really count."

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All of your secrets will come out, especially the ones that aren't technically yours.

16. "Let me see a picture of this Mike guy."

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Any new love interests will need to be throughly Facebook stalked.

17. "Do you ever think that it's crazy that we met. Life is made up of so many little decisions and chances."

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Alcohol can suddenly turn you into Socrates. It will only be in the morning that you'll realise you were talking absolute bullshit.

18. "Do you want to eat?"

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And of course the answer will always be yes.