The 7 Worst Literary Boyfriends

“She is tolerable, I suppose, but she is not handsome enough to tempt me.”

If you were a literary nerd or voracious reader growing up, chances are you made a dent in the classic literature section of the library. Chances are even greater that if you were ever a teenaged girl, you probably garnered inaccurate understandings of the male sex from these novels and even worse, developed unhealthy obsessions with the so-called heroes of the Western canon.

Check out this list of the 7 creepiest literary boyfriends and tell us about your shameful literary crushes below!

Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights

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No, really, nothing gets me as hotter than you systematically destroying my family and then cursing my soul to wander the rainy English moors for all eternity.

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The Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera

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Let’s be honest: the Phantom is a glorified stalker and gets dangerously close to serial killer territories. He also preys on an underaged teenaged girl’s daddy issues. So hot.

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Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre

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While it’s probably good form to not divulge all your secrets on a first date, having an insane pyromaniac wife locked away in the attic may be worth a mention. Honestly, I’m on Bertha’s side; I’d burn that mother down, too.

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Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby

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Two words for this Class A stalker: MOVE. ON. If an ex-boyfriend buys a house across from you and spends his free time staring at your place, CALL THE POLICE.

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Hamlet from The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

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When I first read this play in high school, I pictured Hamlet like a black-turtleneck-wearing, tormented, misunderstood Shawn Hunter. Now I just see a whiny, weedy teenager.

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Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice

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I know, I know; he’s Mr. Darcy. He turns out alright in the end (and has 10,000 a year) but he’s also incredibly standoffish and judgmental. Remember, kids, communication is key in a healthy relationship.

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Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series

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Ok, this may not be classic literature yet but for a lot of us, Snape and Lily’s relationship was the first tragic love story we encountered. Then we grew up. And realized Snape is a self-obsessed sociopath who should’ve never been around children.

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