• 1. The Posse

    The Baby-Sitter’s Club begins the way all the best adventures begin – with the assembling of a killer posse:

  • With Kristy at the head, Claudia, Mary Anne, Stacey, and Dawn combine their unique individual talents to make just about anything happen. You can never be sure how it’s going to turn out in the end, but one thing is certain at the outset of every book: These badasses are going to sit the fuck out of some babies.

  • Meanwhile, the whole thing about the Sweet Valley Twins is that one is a goody-ass two shoes, and the other is a bitch? That’s, like, the whole fucking plot? Jesus Christ.

  • 2. The Spinoffs

    When the Baby-Sitter’s Club decided to do spinoffs, they did it like they do everything: With style. Baby-Sitter’s Club Mysteries were just as amazing as the regular babysitting adventures. The team would get together with their usual can-do attitude and get down to the gritty, dangerous business of fighting crime, solving mysteries, and saving lives. Because that’s just what they do.

  • Meanwhile, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield use their spinoff to form The Unicorn Club. An elitist band of assholes dedicated to keeping the “losers” down and furthering their own personal brand of fascistic Middle School politics. Fucking kill me.

  • 3. Mary Anne

    Let’s talk about Mary Anne Spier for a second, shall we? She’s shy as fuck and she’s not much to look at, at first. She’s into books and getting her homework done, and just generally staying out of trouble. And yet Mary Anne, timid and unassuming as she is, is the FIRST babysitter in the club to get a steady boyfriend. How the fuck does she pull this off? Because the Baby-Sitter’s Club makes her grow as a person. Because the Baby-Sitter’s Club looks after its own. Because together, the Baby-Sitter’s Club is stronger than any single one of its members. And don’t you ever forget that.

  • Meanwhile, at Sweet Valley High, everybody is busy straight up stabbing each other in the back just like usual. I seriously can’t fucking stand those girls.

  • In Conclusion: The Baby-Sitter’s Club Is Better Than Sweet Valley High

    Here’s one where Jessi wins a gold medal. Because that’s just the kind of shit that she does. She’s not even one of the main members, for Christ’s sake.