1. Lifting And Carrying
This is a real fetish. It’s all over YouTube. It’s the fetish where you lift someone up and carry them around. It is an odd thing to sexualize.
2. Balloon Popping
This is the sexual fetish where you sit on balloons and then pop them by sitting on them. In, like, a sexual way? Take off your shirt first.
3. Adult Babies
This is the sexual fetish where you act like a baby and have someone “take care of you.” I hate it.
4. Belly Button Torture
This is another thing that is a real thing. The way to do it is you have to be all, “Oh, my. This belly button of mine is being stimulated by this pencil or other implement! This is aggravating, but otherwise quite sexy.”
5. Gut Flopping
Self-explanatory. Just flop the gut onto the dude. Helps if you tell them they’ve been naughty, though that should be obvious from the fact that you are punishing them in the first place. Some people need it spelled out, I guess.
6. Beard Rubbing
The bed-tent and the cat are actually not strictly necessary for a beard rubbing fetish. But they help. My God, do they help.
Squish that mud! No, seriously, keep squishing around in that mud. It is turning me on. Sexually.
8. Pedal Pushing
This is the one where you push on the pedals with your feet. I think maybe it’s one of those things where you have to be there?
9. Getting In Bubbles
The getting in bubbles fetish takes a lot of work and you run through a lot of giant bubbles, which are hard to come by in this economy. But definitely worth it if you are the kind of person who is super turned on by getting inside a giant bubble and then blowing it up.
This is probably the warmest sexual fetish.
I don’t want to talk about this one anymore.
- Republican John Kasich and Democrat Bernie Sanders won the first votes of the New Hampshire presidential primary. Polls close at 7 p.m. ET 🇺🇸
- At least 9 people are dead and 150 others injured after two trains collided in Bavaria, Germany, local police say.
- The Pentagon has confirmed that North Korea successfully launched a satellite into orbit on Sunday night.