It goes on for 96 pages! I've never written anything that long in my entire life. Dear sweet jesus.

Hasn't /b/ been doing this for a long time?

I'm 43, my wife is 41. We've been married for 15 years. If you're not married to your best friend like I am, I feel sorry for you.
Me: Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?
Wife: Tap what?
Me: Your you-know-what. This is how the kids arrange things now. The male sends the female a text, inquiring about the likelihood of being permitted to “tap that.”
Wife:Well, I had no idea you were such a hipster!
Me: You seem to be avoiding the question, so I'll repeat it: Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?
Wife: I would like to say ASAP, but at the risk of being a real buzz-kill, I'm having girl trouble today.
Me: Do you mean that you're menstruating, and your flow is heavy, you're cramping, and you're bloated from water retention?
Wife: Mainly just the flow issue, really. I'm not suffering from cramping or bloating.
Me: Okay. Well, I guess I'll just wait a few days and then ask again about tapping that.
Wife: I might be available for tapping as soon as tomorrow. Wanna camp tomorrow night and partake of the [campground's] Saturday morning breakfast?
Me: I will consider it, if I will be permitted to tap that.
Wife: Agreed.

Killin' it with this. Just killin' it.

everyone knows the real way to a womans heart with text is 'let me put on my robe and wizard hat'