23 Ways Your Overprotective Parents Traumatized You

I have exactly five locks on my door. And I’d like to get a few more.

1. Halloween candy is filled with poisoned razorblades.

ID: 1185859

2. You’re still wary of any and all panel vans.


ID: 1185866

3. You’re a total germaphobe.

ID: 1185920

4. Sports are dangerous and you will lose an eye if you try to play them.

ID: 1185899

5. In general, intersections are a death trap.

ID: 1186069

6. Staying out late is NOT an option.

ID: 1186187

7. Everyone is trying to steal your bag at all times.

So now you only hold your bag one way: in your hands.

ID: 1186216

8. You ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET, because if you don’t you’ll die.

ID: 1186306

9. Seemingly “minor” problems ARE ACTUALLY A HUGE DEAL and should be treated as such.

ID: 1186168

10. Your pepper spray is always in the “ready” position.

You never know when you’ll have to spritz someone in the face.

ID: 1186343

11. You lie to your diary, because your parents are absolutely going to read it.

ID: 1186419

12. You don’t use public bathrooms, because rapists go in them.

ID: 1186561

13. You got your ears pierced late in life.

Like, maybe even after you moved out of the house.

ID: 1186587

Because piercing your ears is basically agreeing to all kinds of diseases.

ID: 1186664

14. You believe that getting a tattoo will destroy any chance at a happy future.

ID: 1186660

15. You’re still paranoid about getting pregnant.

ID: 1186648

16. And you never drive over the speed limit, because THE ROAD IS A SCARY PLACE.

ID: 1186761

17. Pool drains will suck you down into hell.

ID: 1186614

18. Slow dancing makes you anxious, because your parents were always chaperoning the school dances.

ID: 1186635


ID: 1186632

20. You think anyone who walks to school will get killed, because your parents always drove you.

ID: 1186638

21. You overly sympathize with dogs, because, well, you know…

ID: 1186878

22. You only talk to strangers if you want to be chased down a dark alley.

ID: 1187133

23. And this is what the lock on your door looks like.

You’d actually like to get one or two more of em.

ID: 1186654

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