2. You’re still wary of any and all panel vans.
THEY WILL KIDNAP YOU!
4. Sports are dangerous and you will lose an eye if you try to play them.
7. Everyone is trying to steal your bag at all times.
So now you only hold your bag one way: in your hands.
9. Seemingly “minor” problems ARE ACTUALLY A HUGE DEAL and should be treated as such.
10. Your pepper spray is always in the “ready” position.
You never know when you’ll have to spritz someone in the face.
11. You lie to your diary, because your parents are absolutely going to read it.
12. You don’t use public bathrooms, because rapists go in them.
13. You got your ears pierced late in life.
Like, maybe even after you moved out of the house.
Because piercing your ears is basically agreeing to all kinds of diseases.
14. You believe that getting a tattoo will destroy any chance at a happy future.
16. And you never drive over the speed limit, because THE ROAD IS A SCARY PLACE.
18. Slow dancing makes you anxious, because your parents were always chaperoning the school dances.
20. You think anyone who walks to school will get killed, because your parents always drove you.
22. You only talk to strangers if you want to be chased down a dark alley.
- Thirty-one people are dead after two passenger trains derailed within minutes of each other on a flooded bridge in central India.
- Fox News has announced the 10 Republican candidates who will participate in the first debate of the 2016 U.S. presidential race on Thursday.
- Record-breaking freediver, Natalia Molchanova, is feared dead. She disappeared while diving off the coast of Spain on Sunday.