27 Ways To Be As American As Ron Swanson

Eat more meat on a stick, for starters.

1. Every time you experience something wonderful, like a Big Gulp, don’t be afraid to profess your patriotism.

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2. Limit your vocabulary to words that are made in America.

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3. Develop a love for all types of meats on sticks.

Cut out the bread, and stick to the basic food group: bacon.

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4. Remember that you are a hunter, and the world is your buffet.

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5. Avoid fruits, they’re only trying to keep you down.

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6. Have a healthy affection for all superstores.

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7. If you go to brunch, this is how you should order:

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8. Know that aside from bacon, the only thing that’s allowed to touch your mustache is an adorable puppy.

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9. Dance as if you’ve just won the bacon lottery.

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10. Freely exercise the right to do whatever the hell you damn well please.

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11. And if anyone questions your lifestyle choices, respond with something strong and American:

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15. And acknowledge the most underrated right of this nation: freedom to eat.

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16. Accept that the government is kind of a joke.

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17. And don’t be afraid to indoctrinate the younger generations.

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18. Find a way to add bacon to every meal, snack, and moment of your life.

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19. Just say no to salad, it’s a trap.

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20. But love ice cream, because it tastes like liberty.

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21. Celebrate the differences between you and your fellow countrymen!

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22. Don’t give in to celebrating anything that’s not America’s birthday.

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23. Take up hobbies that bring you closer to nature.

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24. Know that America isn’t perfect, but it can be.

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25. Don’t give up the last piece of meat without a fight.

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26. Drink whiskey like it’s beautiful, life-giving water. (BECAUSE IT IS.)

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27. And encourage your fellow Americans to do the same.

Happy July 4, all you baby Swansonites!

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