1. Since there are no seasons, you will lose track of time entirely.
One minute it’s been a year in L.A., and then next..five. Happy five-year anniversary to me!
2. Your parking spot will be a precious jewel that you dote on like a new baby.
3. In-N-Out will become your fast-food mecca.
I worship at the altar of animal-style fries. Et tu?
4. You’ll think about going to the beach way more often than you actually do go.
5. You will actually learn to wait before crossing the street.
Because if you don’t wait, you could get a ticket for jaywalking. It happened to me, and I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.
6. You judge people based on their favorite yogurt place.
Yogurt Stop forever, yo.
7. You will take your car everywhere, even if it’s walking distance. Or right next door.
8. The amount of time your commute takes each day will very much influence how the rest of your day goes.
You found a shortcut? You’re pretty much unstoppable. Stuck behind construction work? Call in sick, this day’s a bust.
9. At some point, you will try the street cart fruit, and it will taste much better than you ever expected.
It’s fruit from a cart on the street. How good could it be? Oh, but it is good. It is very good.
10. You’ll start to eat healthier, in general.
You may try to fight it, but eventually you’ll wake up and discover a bag of kale in your fridge.
11. You’ll figure out where in L.A. you can go to see actors, and simultaneously how to avoid them.
Beware Melrose, in general.
12. You’ll eventually figure out how to decipher all of the parking signs. Each. And. Every. One.
13. You’ll adopt the L.A. form of road rage, which is screaming in your car and never honking.
14. When you see quirky L.A. people, you’ll barely blink.
15. Takeout isn’t huge here, so you’ll become really great at cooking.
16. And dinner parties become a regular thing that you will host and attend.
So grown-up. So well fed.
17. Your friends will suggest a brisk hike as a possible activity, and you will love every minute of it.
18. Rain will be mildly horrifying, if only because you’re wholly unprepared for it.
I know I have an umbrella, but I’ll be damned if I keep it in a logical place!
19. But then when the rain leaves, you’ll miss it and become nostalgic for more humid times.
Times were simpler when there was rain, weren’t they?
20. You’ll find a neighborhood to live in, and basically only leave it if you’re forced to.
My weekends belong to Los Feliz.
21. You will go to a farmers’ market, and you will feel like you’re contributing to the local economy after you buy an organic apple.
22. You will try a new diet at least once, and unconsciously talk about it all the time.
23. And you will try a fad workout at least once.
24. You’ll eat a lot of Mexican food, and eventually stop going to Mexican restaurants, because the trucks are always better.
25. You will give zero Fs about what New Yorkers think of you, because you’ll just be insanely happy to live in L.A.
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