1. “What do you really want to do with your life?”
Ugh: What I really want to do is just figure things out, and not have to deal with this ridiculous question.
2. “Did you buy that [INSERT ANYTHING HERE] with your OWN money?”
Ugh: Yes, and it was extremely difficult to do. I’m eating peanut butter and jellies for the next month, but now I’m the proud owner of a sofa bed.
3. “You could always move back in with your parents.”
Ugh: If I do have to move back in with my parents, can we please not ever talk about it or acknowledge it?
4. “You do want to get married eventually, right?”
Ugh: Yes? Maybe? I don’t know?! Stop asking!
5. “So, have you had a lot of different jobs?”
Ugh: Why, yes, I have. What of it?!
6. “Do you have health insurance?”
Ugh: Look, getting a job is hard enough these days, let alone one that gives you health insurance. So, no, maybe I don’t. But if I do, then EFF YES.
7. “You should check out Obamacare!”
Ugh: Thank you for this incredibly obvious suggestion.
8. “What’s a Snapchat? How does an Instagram work?”
Ugh: Ask someone younger, because the truth is I don’t get this shit either.
9. “Have you tried online dating?”
Ugh: Yes, I have. And I’ve got a lot of horrifying stories to prove it.
10. “So, people don’t meet IRL anymore?”
Ugh: Of course they do, this is America, damnit.
11. “When are you going to get a real job?”
Ugh: I’m working my ass off, bitch. ‘Nuff said.
12. “How many roommates do you have?”
Ugh: It’s not like I want to have them, but thank you for reminding me.
13. “How are you feeling about the big 3-0?”
Ugh: I don’t know! Funny thing, being in your twenties means you’re not 30 yet. So, I’ll get back to you when I hit that life hurdle.
14. “How much are you paying in rent?”
Ugh: A) You can’t just ask someone this question! B) The answer is too much for way too little.
15. “Your clock is ticking …”
Ugh: I get that. But if you really want to have that “can women have it all?” debate, I don’t have answers for you.
16. “Or you could always consider freezing your eggs …”
Ugh: Sure! Wanna pay for it?
17. “Do you have a lot of debt?”
Ugh: Yeah, again, this is America.
18. “You know, the right person will come around when you least expect it.”
Ugh: Bitch, I haven’t been expecting anything for the last five years and I’ve still got nothing.
19. “Why don’t you just get a real job?”
Ugh: Believe it or not, this is my real job.
20. “These are the best years of your life.”
Ugh: Really? “The best years”? You seriously don’t remember being in your twenties, and filled with constant anxiety, frustration, and nerves?
No, no, you’re right. They probably are the best years, but I won’t know that until I’m out of them, to be fair. (Twentysomethings, unite!)