1. You can eat whatever the fuck you want.
Save the grilled salmon for never, because mac ‘n’ cheese is where it’s AT.
3. Like, really, really lazy to a point where it’s humiliating, and still…NO ONE will judge you.
Except the internet, naturally.
4. You can pull out the “Single Ladies” dance and ACTUALLY mean it.
5. You can rock a bad hair day and give zero fucks.
Zero. Effs. Given.
7. And even when you leave the house to party with other sexy singles.
Who are wearing slightly skimpier pajamas.
9. You don’t have to share the bed with some jerk who hogs the sheets.
10. You can move at a moment’s notice without fear of any consequences.
Other than freaking out your couple friends, that is.
11. You never have to worry about getting into fights about stupid shit that doesn’t mean anything.
THANK THE LORD.
12. You stop being the annoying “friend with a boyfriend.”
13. And if you do feel like dating, there are an endless amount of weirdos out there waiting to fulfill your fantasies.
We said endless, not perfect.
14. You don’t have to worry about normal grooming. At. All.
Hell, grow yourself a goldfish beard. Who cares!
15. You can watch whatever the hell you want.
Supernatural and martinis?! YES.
16. You can party on Halloween without looking like an idiot in some dumb couples’ costume.
Happy Halloween to you!
17. The toilet seat can be up, down, or Star Wars–themed. Doesn’t matter. Just do your biznasty.
18. Hideous underpants can be worn freely, because you don’t care who sees your junk.
19. You can drunk-sext random people, even if they don’t like you that way.
20. You can fart and burp without shame, because there’s no one to judge you.
22. Same goes for the kitchen. Let your gross flag fly, smelly!
23. You don’t need some lame-ass bowl to eat cereal.
Bowls are for divas.
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