Stage 1: Some "friend" reminds you that bikini season is coming up, and it's time to go shopping!!! Yay!
Stage 2: You fake excitement, even though you're about to black out from fear.
Stage 3: Then you convince yourself that maybe it won't be so bad. After all, it's JUST A BIKINI, RIGHT?!
Stage 4: Actually, no, it's not JUST a bikini. Because after some online shopping, you remember that you are not Beyonce, and don't look like this in a bikini.
You actually tend to look more like this in a swimsuit.
Stage 5: Time to head to the gym to get toned! Or whatever...
Stage 6: You pray to the gods of mono and tape worms that you might actually be stricken with one, or both.
Stage 7: And when all that doesn't work, you try out some new crash diet.
Stage 8: The extra effort doesn't do much, though, because you are a normal human being who enjoys complex carbohydrates.
Stage 9: You brainstorm excuses for why you won't be able to go to the beach this summer.
The problem is, it's pretty impossible to successfully lie to your friends.
Stage 10: One of your friends sees through the bullshit, and essentially tells you to get over it.
Stage 11: You finally give in to the inevitable and are just like, "Fine, girrr. Fiiiiiine."
Stage 12: You suck it up, go bikini shopping, and awkwardly wear the bottoms over your underwear while salespeople judge you.
Stage 13: You try on exactly a zillion tops and bottoms.
Stage 14: Until something glorious happens and you actually LIKE one of them.
Stage 15: Your faith in EVERYTHING is restored, and for the first time since this whole summer business began, you feel READY.
Stage 16: You buy that one lucky suit, take her home, and put her in the underwear drawer with all of last season's bikinis.
Phew, glad that's over!
Stage 17: Then summer rolls around, and it's time to put that bikini to use.
And this is you, because bikini season just sucks no matter what.
