1. The ability to grow physically stronger just by LOOKING at photos of your favorite food.
2. The power to emotionally connect with food not just on a physical level, but a spiritual one as well.
3. X-Ray vision so you not only see the food in front of you, but what lies INSIDE it.
4. Gravitational manipulation that helps you not only seize what is rightfully yours, but then bring that food treasure into your orbit.
5. The gift of food communication, so that you and food are now equals (until you eat it, of course).
6. Superhuman charisma so when you eat, not only is the food loving it, but everyone around you is wild with jealousy.
7. The power to teleport to your favorite foods, so you never have to wait.
8. The strength to tear through carbohydrates at the speed of fucking light.
9. The power of hanger: so that not only you, but everyone around you, can sense when it's time to eat.
10. Superhuman vision that allows you to know exactly where the snack pantry in your friend's kitchen is.
11. Enhanced multi-tasking capabilities so that you never ever have to stop eating if you don't want to.
12. The gift of never truly having a favorite kind of food, because all food is your favorite.
13. The ability to be spend a night in with just you and food and somehow turn it into an actual party.
14. Or when you do want to invite other humans over, you have the power to plan the ABSOLUTE PERFECT DATE NIGHT.
15. The power to actually leave your body and transport to another, more wonderful place through food.
16. The power to food pressure those around you, until they bend to your will, and join in eating their faces off.
17. A gravitational pull that brings other lovers of food into your life, so you can live a happier, more fulfilled life.
18. The power to continue eating, even when your mind says no, and your body also kinda says no.
19. The ability to literally be content wherever you decide to get food, because you know that food is food, and that’s delicious.
20. The strength to not just eat three meals a day, but also add in snacks, dessert, and the occasional bonus fourth meal.
21. The superhuman ability to prioritize food over all other things.
22. The power to manipulate other people into ordering food at restaurants that you also want to try, and convincing them to let you have some.
23. It's not just your hands that have powers, though, your FACE has the strength to guide food to you too!
24. The power to eat constantly because you never ever really FEEL totally full.
25. The superhuman ability to actually look more attractive as you eat.
26. Superhuman anger when someone keeps you from the thing you love most.
27. And the vital ability to not just make food something you have to do, but a real passion you look forward to every day.
