22 Questions “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” Left Unanswered

This movie is insane. And who taught the Oompa Loompas how to dance like that?!

1. What is this creepy guy with a knife cart doing outside the Wonka factory?!

And what’s with the cryptic message?! Oh, right, all those kids probs died. :(

RIP, kids.

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2. What exactly is a “Wonkarer,” and why are these youths so excited to be one?!

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3. How come Grandpa Joe, a bedridden smoker, has a Ph.D. in Slugworth?!

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4. Oh, and Grandpa Joe hasn’t left his bed in 20 years…

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Yet, now he’s positively agile??

That’s super convenient, because there’s a chocolate factory tour going down!

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5. FOR REAL, THOUGH, why is Grandpa Joe the absolute WORST?!

Seriously: Your grandson is eating bowls of cabbage water.

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6. How the hell did Augustus’ father think this was a good idea?

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7. Why aren’t any of the parents at all freaked out by this strange man with a scar on his face touching their children?

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8. Who is Fishface, and where can I find him?!

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9. What happened to this diva, and why doesn’t she have her own talk show?

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10. Why doesn’t anyone seem to care about the fact that Augustus is being crushed to death?

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12. Why isn’t he arrested at the end of the film?!

And I know, they “probably” didn’t die. Because “maybe” the burners weren’t turned on, and “maybe” we can pull that poor TV kid back to a normal size. It’s all “possibly” going to turn out alright.


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13. Why do these green-haired, fake-bake tanners get to judge my binge eating?

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14. Did these two secret lovebirds ever meet up post-Wonka?

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15. Do you have to go on an acid trip every time you travel to the inventing room, or… ?

I think I just answered my own question.

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16. Why isn’t anyone freaking out about this!?

I mean, of course, aside from her father, who now has a “blueberry for a daughter.”

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17. And why do these parents stay on the tour even though children are dying every 10 minutes??

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18. What the hell is a “bean feast”??

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19. Wonka never explained any of his half pieces of furniture…

Which filled his office, for no apparent reason.

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Like…what does he do with the missing half?!

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20. Where do the Oompa Loompas find the time to choreograph dance moves?

Last time I checked, they need to decontaminate the chocolate river, clean the bubble ceiling, and squeeze juice out of Violet so she doesn’t die.

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21. Why can’t all flowers turn into teacups and taste like candy?!

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22. And it’s 2013 — why doesn’t a magical candy world like this ACTUALLY exist?!

In the words of Veruca Salt: “Give it to me now!”

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