1. If you hear any kind of noise in your house whatsoever, you become convinced that you’re about to be murdered.
2. Even if you checked roughly seven times, you’re never ever really sure if you locked a door.
Did you lock the door?
3. If someone takes more than five minutes to accept your Facebook friend request, it means they hate you.
Did they accept my request?! No?! What are they waiting for?!
4. And whenever someone tells you that you have to wait and be patient, this is how you’d like to respond:
Of course, you’d never respond that way, because then you’d feel anxious about their reaction.
5. You know the answer to this question, and just seeing it makes you anxious:
6. People often call you a pessimist, and it irks you that they’re so very right.
8. People always try to make you feel better, but their concern only makes things much worse.
Why are they so worried about me? Should I be worried? Now I’m really worried.
9. Spontaneity isn’t your thing. At. All.
And anyone who suggests an impromptu adventure is dead to you.
10. You have a checklist of things you’re SURE you forgot to do, even though you probably didn’t.
But now that I’m thinking about it… Did I really turn the lights off in the house this morning? FML.
11. Sending a text and not hearing back IMMEDIATELY can make you feel like the world is ending.
12. But when they finally respond, it’s like all of the angels are singing just to you.
It is magical and it is heavenly and OH THANK THE LORDS.
13. The idea of meeting new people should be fun, but it isn’t.
Will they like me? What is my hair doing? Why are they staring at me like that?!
14. And seeing someone you weren’t expecting to see will damn near give you a nervous breakdown.
15. Even small things, like checking the mail, seem to fill you with dread, because…WHAT IF!
16. Going to the doctor is always fun, because even if there’s nothing wrong, you’ll find something…
You always do.
17. Missing a call from an unknown number will fill you with dread for the rest of the day.
18. When your boss asks to see you in their office, it’s obviously because they’re about to fire you.
19. If you’re asked to make a speech, you will stress about it before, during, and after.
Did they like it? No one seemed to laugh…
20. If your car makes a weird noise, you take it in immediately, because it’s ABOUT TO EXPLODE.
21. Certain TV shows are basically off limits, because you tend to relate them to yourself.
The elimination round of America’s Next Top Model makes me break out in a sweat. And forget trying to watch an episode of The Doctors… I have all of the things they’re talking about.