1. On the inside: You may feel like a bright ray of fucking sunshine.
LIFE IS GOOD.
2. But if you aren’t smiling, people assume something is wrong.
3. And then they start to ask, “What’s bugging you?” “What’s the problem?” “Are you pissed?”
Nothing, nothing, and now I am.
4. Or, “Why do you look so mad today? Are you mad at ME?!”
Don’t ask me this and I won’t be mad, bro.
5. Which only turns your resting bitchface into ACTUAL bitchface, and that’s some scary shit.
7. That moment when you realize that you do indeed have CBF (chronic bitchface).
8. And it feels both empowering and unnerving.
9. Even when you’re just trying to be polite, people take your face the wrong way.
10. So you have to explain that you’re not mad, angry, or even bummed. That’s just the way your face is.
Sorry for party rockin’ on the inside, y’all.
11. The anger you feel when people think it’s OK to say, “OMG, I thought you were a total bitch when I first met you!”
Wait, you did?! How many OTHER people are thinking that now? ::Cycles through every important memory and questions everything::
12. And when you get angry, you have to get extra angry so people take you seriously.
13. The stress of an important meeting and knowing you’ll have to be extra peppy to compensate.
14. And the exhaustion that comes after faking a smile so people don’t assume you’re angry.
15. Knowing that when you go out and want to meet new people, they will think you’re totally unapproachable.
Even though you’re not, and you’d LOVE to be talked to. PLEASE TALK TO ME.
16. Or when people assume that you’re constantly judging them, and you have to reassure them that you’re not.
Even if you secretly are…
17. People assume you’re plotting revenge when you’re just thinking about whether or not you should have another cookie.
Answer: Always take the cookie.
18. Feeling the simultaneous need to apologize and also laugh for how your face is.
Sorry, but I’m also not sorry. This is my face. Deal with it.