1. When the toilet paper runs out, replace it.
Don’t leave the person after you to fend for themselves mid-squat.
2. Chew with your mouth closed, so people don’t think you’re a disgusting monster.
3. Knock before opening a closed door.
Unless you are a creepy pervert, in which case—ignore this advice.
4. No one wants to see your pee-water, child, so put the toilet seat down.
Have some self-respect.
5. This is gross, cover your dang mouth.
Same goes for yawning. Cover those yawns.
6. Clean up after yourself, so you’ll never have to suffer through passive aggressive notes from people who hate you.
7. When someone is nice, make sure to say “thank you” in return.
8. If you’re feeling sick, stay home instead of being a disease-carrying monkey.
9. If someone asks how you’re doing, it’s not an invitation for a therapy session.
14. When you’re out in public, don’t throw a tantrum, like a little bitch.
16. Wait to eat until everyone has been served their food.
Or at least wait until they tell you it’s cool to go ahead.
18. If someone invites you to a party where they’ll be feeding your ass, then bring a little something in return.
Like wine, or a belly button lint brush.
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