1. Demand perfection when it comes to alcohol.
2. Stay classy, and call it like you see it.
4. When it comes to mothering, your children’s health is what’s most important.
7. Always see the bright side of every situation.
8. When in doubt, refuse to answer any untoward questions.
10. Never forget the most important meal of the day.
11. Remind your children that you’re watching their every move.
12. And are extremely disappointed in their life choices.
13. Because in the end, their actions have very real consequences.
14. Suspect that anyone who wears a hat is part of a gang.
17. Remember that criticism is the sincerest form of judgment.
18. Acknowledge the help, and give yourself a giggle in the process.
19. If something isn’t to your liking, find a way to change that.
21. Have a healthy fear of foreigners.
22. And make sure that people have a healthy fear of you.
No matter what you have to do to prove that.
23. Be completely out of touch with the world normal people have to live in.
25. Know that sometimes words aren’t needed when it comes to expressing how you feel.
26. A simple judgmental glance should do the trick.
- Chicago police chief Garry McCarthy has resigned after backlash from the police shooting death of Laquan McDonald. ›
- It's World AIDS Day — 35 million people have died from AIDS-related conditions, and more than 34 million people are living with the disease. ›
- Cyber Monday 2015 could be the biggest online sales day in history, according to data from Adobe. Shoppers are on track to spend nearly $3 billion 💳📲