1. Because you might see that annoying couple who always works out together.
And it will make you vomit in your mouth a little.
5. You don’t want to become one of those “humble” workout braggers.
6. Working out is ridiculously hard and no one should have to suffer through it.
8. If you go to the gym, you’ll have to deal with fun passive-aggressive notes.
11. Seriously, do you want to fall to your death?
12. Or get a black eye?
13. OK, JUST DON’T GO ON ANY EXERCISE MACHINES!
14. And let’s be honest: You have no idea how to use those machines anyway. Just go home.
15. This article in Shape that says working out too much can make you lose sleep.
And it can also make you more exhausted, and moodier. So, yeah, just don’t work out.
16. If you go work out, this creepy guy will be waiting for you.
17. And when you’re done with the workout and just want to change, this guy will be — OH DEAR GOD NO.
18. If you fall at the gym, people will laugh at you.
THEY’RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!
21. No one should have to see that weird workout face you make.
22. This is what happens in gym showers, and it’s horrifying.
23. Why work out when you really just want to watch TV?
And you can do that at home with a snack.