1. Moms worry about your dick safety.
DRINK. I meant DRINK safety…
3. They understand the importance of pop culture references.
4. And remember which catchy songs you like.
5. They give you more credit than you deserve.
6. Moms sometimes do pretty adorable things, like forget how to insert spaces.
I mean, they don’t know what SPACES are.
7. And they have no idea what acronyms mean, which is also adorbs.
10. They also don’t understand emoticons, for that matter.
11. And tend to use wayyyy to many of them.
But in a pretty cute way, right?
12. Moms don’t always need words to communicate, because they have hand signals.
13. Unlike the rest of us, a mom doesn’t always have her mind in the gutter.
Honestly, you people are filthy.
15. They’ll also trick you into revealing your whereabouts.
You won’t even see it coming.
17. And make you question the meaning of life and death on the regular.
18. Speaking of death, moms will kill a bitch for you.
19. And if you kill a bitch, they’ll show you how to hide the body.
20. Moms want you to have friends, and will motivate you to make some.
21. Even if the friends you make are sketchy, they’ll still support you.
22. Moms won’t spoil you with coddling, they move straight to mocking.
23. Moms just want to see you settle down with someone nice.
Murderers need love too!
25. And best of all is that they’ll always love you, even when you text them at 3 in the morning about a fart.
Happy Mother’s Day, texting moms!
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