1. Condoms that not only protect, but come with great pickup lines to make you feel très chic.
2. The sterling silver condom necklace that’s perfect to wear on a first date.
3. The multicolored silk yarn condom sweater for your penis, or whatever.
But maybe a lady could wear it as a fun glove, too?
5. The super cute dinosaur that is also, apparently, a condom.
Please note the company that sells these is called “Willy Wardrobe,” which is great for all of your willy needs.
6. The heel condom shoe accessory.
“Heel Condoms are shoe accessories that serve to protect the heel and transform their look.”
7. The Romney condom, because even though he didn’t win the election he won this fine packaging.
At $1.50 that’s a real steal!
8. The pack of condoms from the 1930s that you should definitely never, ever use.
9. The Christmas felt condom pouch that’s perfect for breaking the news that Santa doesn’t exist.
You know what does exist, though? Condoms.
10. Or you could splurge on the stocking that keeps on giving.
11. The trucker hat that makes wearing a condom pretty cool.
Check out those sunglasses!
12. The hoodie that makes a great congratulatory gift for any new parent, or any old jerk.
14. The St. Patrick’s day condom lollipops that will make you a hit at every pub.
Just don’t accidentally try and swallow one of these.
15. The necklace every lifeguard should never leave home without.
16. The pins made from condoms that make a great accent to your clothes, purse, or a condom in use.
They’re called Condom Cuties, FYI.
22. The mousepad that makes a professional addition to all office decor.
23. The earrings meant to symbolize safe sex, but that kind of look like two craters.
Incidentally, they do come with rubber enders.