1. The selfless artist who just wants you to live your dreams and when the boat you’re on sinks in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean he lets go of the board. (Even though there was totally room for two.)
2. The guy who writes you 365 letters everyday for a year and when you show up engaged, brings you out in a rowboat to a river of swans.
3. The man who falls in love with a perfect stranger that he’s never met, never seen and doesn’t know anything about. At all.
Well, actually, we’ve seen that show Catfish. Maybe this guy does exist… (Looking at you, Manti Te’o.)
4. The guy who says things like, “As you wish!” and “I will always come for you,” then safely leads you through something called a “fire swamp,” which is filled with quicksand and rodents of an unusual size.
5. The guy who disowns his family, scales walls, recites poetry, wages a mini-war and drinks poison for you.
However, there are men who would wear that colorful shirt. They live in Florida and their name is grandpa.
6. The guy who comes back from the dead and uses Whoopi Goldberg to find you.
7. This super romantic guy who now stars on “The Walking Dead” and has awesome hair and pretty great handwriting.
If he does exist though, please tell him we’re single.
8. The perfect angel who just falls into your lap, because he used to be an actual angel and left heaven just to be with you.
Not even Nicolas Cage could pull that one off.
9. The man who doesn’t care about your ho tendencies, or how much money you make per hour for them, or the fact that you wear a crop top to work.
10. The incredibly wealthy gentleman who’s saving himself for you, can quote Shakespeare by heart, plays the piano, will protect you from the supernatural and loves to watch you sleep.
Actually, that last part’s pretty creepy town. Maybe it’s best that he doesn’t exist.