1. The college friend who keeps inviting you to their improv show.
You barely knew them in college, but are reminded of them on a regular basis when you see their event invite. Half the time, it’s not even in your city, and they just blindly included you because they were too lazy not to. Do yourself a favor, and unfriend them before they figure out how to email you the event directly too.
2. The passive aggressive friend.
You know the one. If you post a fun life update, they’ll find a way to one-up you in their comment. Or if you go somewhere without them, they’ll be sure to remind you that they would’ve been in the photo too, had they been invited. The passive aggressive friend won’t only make you feel bad, they’ll want you to respond and make them feel better. We’ve all been that passive aggressive person at some point, but when someone is making a consistent habit of it, then you simply shouldn’t make time for them.
3. Your parents, grandparents, and anyone else whose name includes “parent.”
There was a magical time when parents weren’t allowed on Facebook, but now they are. It’s both hilarious and the worst. For them, it’s a way to seem cool while subsequently judging your life choices. Here’s the thing, though: Know what your grandma doesn’t need to see? Your friend Steve writing about how drunk you were last night on your wall.
4. The friend who thinks Facebook is a diary.
Check out their timeline. If someone only uses their status updates to tell you what a miserable day they’re having, to complain about their life, or use their feed as a way to get people to feel sorry for them, then it’s time to hit the unfriend button.
5. The friend who only updates in monosyllables.
Does this look familiar?
Them: Ugh. Life.
They’re posting just enough to let you know that SOMETHING has happened in their life, but whether that something is good or bad, you may never know. These people are insanely cryptic, and if pressed for more details, tend to respond with even more vagueness. IDK, just… ugh. Ugh being the key word.
6. Your super political and religious friend(s).
If there’s one thing that people should learn about Facebook, it’s that you won’t convert someone to your side by posting multiple links and using ALL CAPS in the comments. But overly eager political and religious people just love to do this, and if you say anything about it to them, they’ll say you’re part of the problem. To save your feed from being clogged up with op-ed pieces, just say goodbye to this friend.
7. The couple who started a joint Facebook page.
For those who aren’t familiar with the joint Facebook page, it’s one account for two people. So, instead of looking up your friend Justine, you’ll have to look up Justine and Bob’s page. Anything you write to one of them, they’ll both see. Facebook has more than enough options for couples to make their love known: relationship status, couple profile photos, sappy wall comments, etc. So if you have a friend who’s compelled to go beyond all of those and create a joint account, then it’s time to get rid.
8. The friend you haven’t spoken to in years, and is also your ex…!
Admit it: The only reason you haven’t unfriended this person is because sometimes you like to Facebook stalk them after a big glass of wine. The problem is that by allowing yourself that kind of access, you run the risk of unnecessarily opening up old relationship wounds (especially if it’s a fresh breakup). If you aren’t currently friends with your ex IRL, then you definitely don’t need to be on Facebook.
9. Your creepy relative who likes to comment on all your photos.
Looking good! Looking reallll good.
It’s awkward when you have a relative who doesn’t understand how creepy their comments can be, but at some point, you have to cut them off. If only for your own sanity and gag reflex.
10. People who like to point out what’s going wrong in your life.
There’s nothing wrong with correcting someone’s grammar, or telling them that they’ve got misinformation. But if the only way a person knows how to communicate is by being an obnoxious know-it-all, then that will get old very quickly. The next time they correct you, instead of getting mad, just say goodbye to that toxic friend.