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23 Words That Mean Something Totally Different When You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

I don’t even remember how to flirt.

1. Anniversary

What it usually means: Celebrating every month or year with flowers, and Hallmark cards, and cutesy gifts.
What is means now: Making last-minute dinner plans every 365 days.

2. Closeness

What it usually means: Allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable.
What it means now: Investigating a questionable mole on your S.O.’s butt crack.

3. Spooning

What it usually means: Sleeping in each other’s arms, sometimes for an entire night.
What is means now: Something you do for about two minutes until someone’s arm goes numb, and you roll to opposite corners of the bed to actually sleep.

4. “We should go out”

What it usually means: A casual way to ask someone you’re interested in to go on a date with you.
What it means now: What you say to your S.O. when you realize you’ve been indoors for an entire weekend and you can’t remember what sunshine looks like.

5. Considerate

What it usually means: Being thoughtful. For example, waking up early to cook breakfast for someone because they have a big job interview.
What it means now: Being thoughtful. For example, leaving the room to fart.

6. Married

What it usually means: A sacred and legal bond between two people.
What it means now: A derogatory way your friends refer to you and your S.O.

7. Fighting

What it usually means: A regrettable exchange of words, crying, calling your mom, “thinking about things,” grand apologies, vows of forgiveness, make-up sex.
What it means now: Twenty minutes of salty comebacks until someone cracks a smile, make-up sex.

8. Flirting

What it usually means: Making your attraction known to someone you’re interested in.
What it means now: A sneaky way to get your S.O. to do the dishes.

9. Romantic

What it used to mean: ~ Setting the mood ~
What it means now: Lighting a candle after using the bathroom in your shared home.

10. Showering together

What it usually means: A fun, sexy time!
What it means now: You both woke up late for work.

11. Giving each other space

What it usually means: Taking an emotional break from your relationship to reevaluate your future together.
What it means now: Making room at the bathroom sink so you can both brush your teeth before the commercial break is over.

12. “A friend of mine”

What it usually means: Your friend. A friend you made during your lifetime.
What it means now: You or your S.O.’s friend. A friend one of you made during one of your lifetimes, although it’s difficult to remember whose because you collectively own the friend now.

13. Best friend

What it usually means: Your closest friend. A friend you made during your lifetime that you consider to be better than all your other friends.
What it means now: Your S.O.

14. “It’s not you, it’s me”

What it usually means: A generic phrase used to gently break up with someone.
What it means now: Something you say when you realize that B.O. you’ve been teasing your S.O. about is coming from your own armpits.

15. Valentine’s Day

What it usually means: Formulaic expressions of institutionalized “romance.”
What it means now: Guaranteed sex night.

16. Date

What it usually means: Going out on the town as a couple.
What it means now: Fiiinally going to Home Depot to buy new smoke detectors like you’ve been talking about for weeks.

17. “I’m breaking up with you”

What it usually means: A straightforward way to end a relationship.
What it means now: An empty threat you shout when you lose to your S.O. in corn hole.

18. Decision making

What it usually means: “Should we move in together?”
What it means now: “Should we get dessert? Because we’ve both been looking a little doughy lately. Fuck it, we look good doughy.”

19. Alone time

What it usually means: Treating yourself to a day of solitary activities.
What it means now: Taking longer in the bathroom than necessary.

20. “I love you”

What it usually means: An expression of deep admiration.
What it means now: Something you add after saying, “I know you were technically in bed first but can you turn the lights off because I’m soOoOoOo tired.”

21. Honesty

What it usually means: Being open and transparent about what you expect out of your relationship.
What it means now: Telling your S.O. their breath stinks so they don’t lose their job.

22. Fancy dinner

What it usually means: Making reservations at an expensive restaurant that serves food with names you can’t pronounce.
What it means now: Not watching Netflix during dinner.

23. Forever

What it usually means: Until the end of time.
What it means now: The amount of time you and your S.O. have been together.

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