1. “You’re from Joisey? Is that how you say it? Joisey?”
No, that’s how you said it.
Chris Christie—Newark, N.J.
2. “Why aren’t you tan?”
Because I’m not a cast member of Jersey Shore.
Bruce Springsteen—Freehold, N.J.
3. “Where’s your Jersey accent?”
I fed it to the dawg.
Jon Bon Jovi—Sayreville, N.J.
4. “Isn’t your entire state a dump?”
No, we just tell people that so they won’t come here and drive too slow in the left lane.
Joe Jonas—Wyckoff, N.J.
5. “Do you live in New Jersey because you can’t afford to live in New York City?”
No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey.
Jon Stewart—Lawrenceville, N.J.
6. “Is your family in the mob?”
Do you really want me to answer that?
James Gandolfini—Park Ridge, N.J.
7. “Do you even know how to pump gas?”
New Jersey is only three hours long. Believe it or not, most of us have left the state once or twice.
Jason Alexander—Livingston, N.J.
8. “Why does Jersey smell so bad?”
Because you’re here.
Shaquille O’Neal—Newark, N.J.
9. “Do you fist-pump?”
Only into your face.
Whitney Houston—Newark, N.J.
10. “Why does everyone curse so much?”
Because we like to fucking express ourselves.
Danny DeVito—Asbury Park, N.J.
11. “What’s pork roll?”
May god have mercy on your poor soul.
Frank Sinatra—Hoboken, N.J.
12. “Why is everyone from New Jersey so tough?”
There are a lot of us and only three lanes on the parkway.
Queen Latifah—East Orange, N.J.
13. “What’s so great about diners?”
Hello, you can order pancakes and gyros off the same menu at 3 o’clock in the morning.
Joe Pesci—Belleville, N.J.
14. “Have you ever seen Clerks?”
Am I breathing?
Jason Mewes—Highlands, N.J., and Kevin Smith—Red Bank, N.J.
15. “So is everyone in New Jersey a guido?”
Is everyone from your state this ignorant?
Zach Braff—South Orange, N.J.
16. “Why does everyone drive so fast?”
The malls close at 10.
Laura Prepon—Watchung, N.J.
17. “Why do you call it ‘the shore’?”
‘Cause beaches ain’t shit.
Meryl Streep—Bernardsville, N.J.
18. “Why are your taxes so high?”
It costs a lot to live this fabulously.
Lea Michele—Tenafly, N.J.
19. “What exit? Ha ha ha.”
Jack Nicholson—Neptune City, N.J.
20. “Why is impossible to make a left turn in this state?”
Because Jersey loves you and it never wants you to leave.
Kevin Spacey—South Orange, N.J.