2. Yes, Malta is small, but that doesn’t matter. You should think of it as a precious pearl in a vast sea of sapphire.
Look how it shines.
3. Like most islands, it’s surrounded by water so blue you’ll want to punch yourself in the face.
Go ahead, it’ll only hurt for a second.
4. And obnoxiously cool natural features, like this rock bridge to heaven.
I’m so annoyed by this.
5. And they have tiny, colorful boats that’ll make you feel mad. Why can’t you have tiny, colorful boats? Probably because you’re not in Malta.
- Stares wistfully out office window *
6. Listen, I get that Malta isn’t Italy or Greece or any of those sexy countries you’ve actually heard of, I’m just saying it still got it going on.
Bom chicka wow wow.
7. Yeah, Malta didn’t invent pizza and or, like, democracy. No one is arguing it’s the greatest country in the Mediterranean.
You could still order pizza there, I bet. Democratically.
8. But it’s still a pretty fucking cool country.
Aesthetically speaking. My knowledge of their politics goes as far as the Wikipedia page.
9. And you should know that. You should know that Malta exists, and it looks like THIS:
With the doors, and the boats, and the water. Cut it out, Malta!
10. Look at this stupidly cute alley. Look at it. It’s real. It exists.
Does it make you feel things or are you dead inside?
11. Look at these lucky motherfuckers swimming in this natural pool. They’re real too.
Can we trade lives for like one second?
12. You can literally go here!
It’s not just a desktop wall paper, I swear.
13. Like, uggghhhhhhhh.
- Looks up plane tickets to Malta *
* cries *
14. kjhakjhvhkjahklajwhv kahgkajhvkljahg kjlavha.
That is all. Please return to your life.