1. Having this dream almost every night.
And waking up with a growling tummy.
2. Getting social anxiety when eating at a new restaurant.
Hope the waiter studied for his pop quiz on all things gluten.
3. Having to memorize the numbers of gluten-free takeout by heart.
No, it’s cool, you guys order pizza. I’m just gonna get some rice delivered.
4. Answering the question, “Then what can you eat?”
Air. We eat air.
6. When you spend a bunch of money on gluten-free bread that turns out to be just crumbly crumbs.
And you have to eat your muffins with a spoon.
8. Never getting to partake in office treats.
9. Correcting people who say you’re lucky to be gluten-free because it forces you to eat healthier.
Healthier, yeah. And a lot sadder.
10. Being kind of over brown rice.
11. Feeling strangely attracted to potatoes.
Your only friend in the world.
12. Swallowing rage when people help themselves to your gluten-free snacks.
Thank you, I wasn’t aware gluten-free brownies tasted like chalk. Why don’t you go eat some bread to mask the taste.
13. Avoiding Italian restaurants at all costs.
It’s like a gluten circus with a side of wheat clowns.
14. Seeking comfort during difficult times.
Sometimes you just need to bury your face in a dozen of Dunkin’s finest and forget the world.
15. Inevitably cheating…
17. Hearing there’s a gluten-free option and finding out it’s just a salad.
No thanks, I had a salad for lunch. And breakfast.
18. Speed-reading labels on the back of packaged food.
And spotting poison in two seconds flat.
19. Feeling this at the dessert table at any wedding:
Thank god for Nutella, which you should start carrying in your back pocket in case of emergencies.
20. Having an encyclopedic knowledge of which foods gluten can ninja itself into.
Sneaky, sneaky gluten.
21. When people hear you’re gluten-free and say, “Your life must suck.”
Your attitude sucks, man.
22. Respecting the difference between Celiac disease, gluten intolerance, and wheat allergy.
And people who just want to cut back.