1. Morning class
An optional class.
2. Study
Watching Netflix with an open textbook nearby.
3. Monday
The fifth and final day of the Thursday–Monday weekend.
4. Ramen
A prepackaged super meal, which contains all the vitamins and nutrients required to sustain life.
5. Orientation
A one-week period before the start of classes reserved for adding people on Facebook you will never talk to again.
6. Textbook
Approximately seven to ten useful pages of information surrounded by $300 worth of irrelevant paper.
7. Resident adviser (RA)
A child put in charge of other children; king of the children.
8. Communal bathroom
Mild constipation for nine months of the year.
9. Lanyard
Freshman identification tag.
10. Library
An area reserved for public naps.
11. Dining hall
A place where you eat cereal for dinner while avoiding eye contact with someone you hooked up with freshman year.
12. Exam
A periodically scheduled panic attack.
13. Essay
An assessment of how well students can manipulate margins, headers, and punctuation sizes.
14. Study abroad
A four-month-long vacation that is periodically interrupted by classes.
15. Student group
An organization that you join in order to eat free pizza every Wednesday evening.
16. Greek life
School-sanctioned drinking clubs.
17. Grade point average
The quotient of the total grade points received divided by the credits earned, which is then severely rounded up and written on a résumé.
18. Online quiz
A freebie.
19. Dorm room
A psychological experiment in which universities attempt to learn what the smallest amount of space two or more people can co-habit at one time is.
20. Floor showers
A vessel for collecting and displaying human hair.
21. Syllabus
A sheet of paper that lets students know which days of class are OK to skip.
22. Graduation
The end of college and the beginning of the pre-death period also known as "adulthood."