1.
Listen up! Babies have had it up to here with your shit!
2.
They're sick of being treated like playthings.
3.
They're tired of being humiliated.
4.
And they hate your tricks.
5.
So they're plotting an evil plan.
6.
Yes, yes, a wonderful, evil plan.
7.
The most horrible, wonderful, evil plan there ever was!
8.
A plan so evil it even scares them!
9.
And you'll never suspect a thing.
10.
First they're going to read up on all things evil.
11.
Then they're going to practice their best scheming face.
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And of course perfect their most maniacal laugh.
13.
AND THEN UNLEASH THEIR FIENDISH FURY.
14.
Like smooshing their dirty diaper so it's a nightmare to clean.
15.
Or falling asleep at random times so their (and your) sleeping schedule will never be normal again.
16.
Or looking at you like you're a complete stranger! What parent could stand it?
17.
And when it's all over they'll act like, what? I'm not evil, I'm just a tiny, helpless wittle baby.
18.
And then they'll POISON YOU!
19.
Or mystify you out with their secret freaky-deaky SUPERPOWERS.
20.
And fly off into the night! Wait. Wait, babies can't fly. In fact, they can't do most of those things.
22.
Think twice before you mess with a baby.
