1. Snow, Man
A wintry snowstorm dumped more than a foot of snow across several East Coast games today. Who says the upcoming Super Bowl — the first to be played in outside cold weather — won’t be THE BEST GAME EVER? Not us.
2. You Bumpin’ To Me?
Way to hold your ground, Matt.
3. A Kick Above
Matt Prater makes history with the longest NFL field goal ever AND HE WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW.
4. Your Madden Moment Of The Week: Colts Edition
When you start tapping all the buttons on the controller in a desperate panic, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN.
5. Sleigh Ride
Pernell McPhee gives it a good effort, but Matt Cassel (cough) was just too (ACK) fast on his feet. /dead
6. The Worst “Tackling” Of The Week
This was the game-winning touchdown for Miami. Good grief.
7. Superfans Of The Week: Baltimore Edition
Their makeup held up pretty well through blizzard conditions.
8. The Matthew Stafford Face Of Extreme Terror
No context necessary.
9. Your Weekly Reminder That Football Is A Violent And Dangerous Sport
Reports are that Pats tight end Rob Gronkowski — a.k.a. “the anchor that keeps the New England offense humming along because Tom Brady is but one man and needs someone with actual skill to catch the ball” — will be out for the season with a torn ACL, as a result of this helmet-to-knee hit against Cleveland.
(Note to self: HELMET ALWAYS WINS.)
10. The Seahawks Defense Has Been Gored
How in the world did Frank Gore run through this “hole” in the Seattle D-line? WAS IT WIZARDRY? Probably.
11. The Pete Carroll Death Stare Returns
Welcome back, old friend. Needs more gum, though.
12. For When You Don’t Need A Lip-Reader
He does not appear to be a fan of the official’s on-field ruling.
13. The RiversTron 2000 Just Needs A Little Tune-Up
BEEP BOOP GZZZZZZ All systems operational, coach.
14. Home Is Where The Penalty Calls Are
This ticky-tack pass interference call was what helped set up the Patriots’ game-winning TD against Cleveland. Finally, something goes New England’s way.
15. Ravens Fly Off With Wild Comeback Win
A NFL-record six lead changes in the fourth quarter of Minnesota-Baltimore basically meant that whoever had the ball last — with more than, like, five seconds on the clock — would pretty much win the game. That was Baltimore, but oh so barely.
By the way, the Win Probability chart from this game was LOLOLOLOLtastic.
17. Troy Taking Flight
Troy Polamalu, same as he ever was.
18. You’re Not Fooling Anyone
Bro’s cold. No doubt, bro’s cold.
19. Shady As Ever
In a game that wasn’t supposed to feature lots of offense, LeSean McCoy broke a 64-year-old team record by rushing for 217 yards. Not too shabby.
20. “See” You Next Week
Weather conditions permitting, of course.