Definitive Proof Hand Sanitizer Is Useless

You are going to get sick.

Most hand sanitizers and disinfecting wipes claim to kill 99% of germs. Which sounds great. Until you start to think about it. A quick look at your average day only proves it’s a miracle we aren’t all dead of the Black Plague.

2. Escalator Handrail: 3,000,000 Germs

After dousing yourself in hand sanitizer, you’re still walking away with 30,000 germs on your hands. But at least you got to the office.

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3. Keyboard: 288,000 Germs

Despite a quick aerosol spray, your morning LolCat perusal just netted you another 2,880 possible flu viruses.

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4. Office Desk: 10,000,000 Germs

Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things since 1% of the germs crawling all over your desk numbers around 100,000.

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5. Cell Phone: 500,000 Germs

Your desk is a cesspit of bacteria, so why not set up a lunch date and get out of the office for a while? After all, there are only 5,000 potential E. coli viruses on your palm after you make the call and slather sanitizer on your hands.

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6. Office Phone: 1,000,000 Germs

Which is better than the 10,000 bacteria the cleaning crew’s sanitizing wipe left behind for the next conference call administrator.

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7. Water Cooler Spigot: 3,000,000 Germs

If you decided to grab a drink to refresh yourself before heading out to lunch, you just upped your flu-roulette wheel chances to the tune of 30,000. Assuming you wiped the spigot down beforehand. You did wipe it down, right?

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8. Restaurant Menu: 185,000 Germs

Finally! You made it lunch. This menu is probably the least disgusting thing you’ve touched today and you still might end up with 1,850 cold and flu viruses. Dammit!

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9. Public Faucet: 1,145,000 Germs

You know what, let’s just wash our hands and not touch anything for the rest of the day. Including the faucet, lest we end up with 11,450 sanitization-resistant bacteria on our hands.

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10. WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THIS?

People who go out in public sick. After all…

11. Coughing: 200,000 Germs

A single cough can emit a lot of cold and flu viruses. Even with proper precaution, 1% of that is 2,000 ways to get sick.

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12. Sneezing: 1,000,000,000 Germs

The worst offender. One sneeze from an infected person carries over 1 billion germs. Even if you snorted hand sanitizer, you’re still getting upwards of 10 million visitors, whether you like it or not.

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