1. Googling “Chinese food Jersey” only to find that every result is in Newark.
2. Having a choice of two nightclubs: one for children and one for adults.
3. Where girls happily spend entire nights out searching for Henry Cavill.
4. Furninshing your flat exclusively with hand-me-downs, because IKEA doesn't deliver this far.
5. Craving a fry up every time you see this former Nazi HQ.
6. And an ice cream whenever you wander past this former Nazi war bunker on the beach.
7. The fact that everyone you know works in finance.
8. Which means that everyone refers to 2013 as "prior year."
9. And "accrues" drinks in the pub.
10. Of course, this is all you ever order.
11. Knowing that Jèrriais exists, but never actually hearing it.
12. Meanwhile, you hear Portuguese every single day.
13. And you're never sure just how French you're supposed to feel.
14. The fact that flying anywhere costs more than the plane you’d fly in.
15. Except Southampton. But you don't want to go to Southampton.
16. Getting nervous about using £1 notes every time you come to England.
17. Which you do a lot, because your friends have no idea where you live.
18. But because you live on a tiny island, you're intimidated by any plane larger than this.
19. And you get angry if you have to travel more than 10 meters for lunch. Which is why you eat here so much.
20. Except on Sundays, when you eat here. Because everything else is closed.
21. Because the island is so small, you've definitely slept with a mate's cousin.
22. In fact, there's a 50% chance your mate has slept with the same cousin.*
23. And there are only about 12 names in circulation.
24. Knowing no one who lives in St. Lawrence.
25. And having to stop walking every 10 meters, as French exchange students marvel over how your streets aren't covered in dog poo.
26. Having a metal toad on a pole as your equivalent of Nelson’s Column.
27. But mostly, realising that actually there's nowhere you'd rather live.
